The Seriously Unwanted Royal Wedding
by Aliaslisa
Summary: The Gintama cast set in my alternate Edo-verse. The Yato clan has arranged a marriage between the boss' daugther, Kagura, and the crown prince of Kabukicho (whom knows nothing of the match). It's the eve of her wedding and the blushin bride to be is getting acquainted with the colorful people of her new home. Rated K for Kagura's potty mouth. OKIKAGU!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama

**The Seriously Unwanted Royal Wedding**

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><p>Act 1<p>

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><p>It was the eve of Kagura's wedding. She was the youngest – and most favorite – daughter of the Yato Tribe's leader Umibuozu. The Yatos were a clan of fierce warriors with inhuman strength. They were known as a handsome people with fair skin – so fair that they would die if they were to endure prolonged exposure to the sun – and they were easily recognized by their china clothes and the umbrellas they carried as weapons.<p>

The warrior clan had struck a deal with the Queen of Kabukicho. She wanted a good woman to marry her son Gintoki, the crown prince. The match was strictly political, as the king needed a wife that was strong and capable of giving him heirs. In return, the Yatos would become more powerful and gain a greater amount of land.

It was Kagura's big brother Kamui that had arranged for them to marry. He wanted to become the Clan's next leader. He rushed the match so he would be the only one in line for the leadership position in case their father met his demise "to early".

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><p>Kagura had a chambermaid assigned to her when she arrived at the Queen's castle. She had never been in this place before, nor met her fiancé – they wouldn't meet before the actual wedding took place (as were custom in Kabukicho). The bride-to-be had felt slightly nervous, so the chambermaid had readied a hot bath for her. She had poured some soothing lavender oil in the water in order to calm her down.<p>

As she sat there in a room she didn't feel at home in, Kagura could hear the distinct steps of her chambermaid approaching. The maid had excused herself earlier and claimed she'd _"forgotten towels to dry the young lady with when she finished her bath."_ Now she returned with a stack of them, ready to service the young lady (that was what she'd wanted her to think).

The purple haired maid drew a knife from within the stack and slit the neck of the queen-to-be. Kagura laughed loudly. She had hidden herself on top of the canopied on her bed.

"Hah, you think I'm stupid enough to be killed by such a lazy attempt?" she yelled at the assassin. She'd noticed her murderous air the second they got introduced. In order to spare her own life, Kagura had taken the maids red glasses and hid them. "You must have a pretty bad sight if you can't distinguish a living person from a wig on a melon. Or maybe you're just a lousy assassin."

Kagura jumped down from the bed. The floor made a thumping sound when she landed on her feet. She picked up her purple umbrella that'd rested on her flowery bedspread.

"Who sent you? " The Yato asked, pressing the tip of her umbrella into the assassin's chest, making her fall to the ground "Why are you trying to kill me?" She said lazily while picking her nose.

The purple-haired assassin looked at her with disgust. "I sent myself. I'm the only one that deserves to marry the crown prince! You're just a repulsive, unwomanly brat that couldn't turn him on even if she dressed in leather"

"Stop saying such weird things "Kagura poked her harder with the umbrella. The assassin squealed like she actually enjoyed the pain. It was now Kagura's turn to get disgusted. "If you're lovers it's fine by me. You can give him his fucking heirs, see if I care." She lowered her weapon and rubbed the content her finger had plucked out from her nose on the bed.

The assassin blinked at her in disbelief, like there was something extremely wrong with a woman not wanting him. Maybe she should be excited to marry the prince after all; he must be handsome if women were getting this worked up over him.

"Go be with him then. Leave me alone, I wanna sleep"Kagura yawned violently and hopped on her bed, she threw the assassin her red glasses and buried herself beneath the silk sheets. The assassin didn't move, which started to piss her off "why are you still here? I told you to leave you bitch. Go and fuck my future husband or something." She yelled.

The assassin didn't really know what had happened. Had she seriously gotten permission to fuck the future queen's future husband? She didn't know how to act. She sat almost a full minute, reflecting on killing the girl or not. She decided she would not_ 'for now'_. She rose from the ground and went out on a balcony. She was trespassing so she couldn't roam the halls.

"What's your name? " Kagura asked as the purple-haired woman stepped on to the railing.

"Sarutobi" she said a little baffled. "Sarutobi Ayame." She jumped off the terrace and to the roof beneath her.

Kagura smiled as she curled up with her pillows and blankets. _'People here are weird'_

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><p>The Yato got only an hour of blunder before her stomach woke her up. It was loudly complaining that it hadn't got enough food at supper. Kagura made complaining noises as she stood up from the bed. She slid on some bunny slippers and covered herself with a light blue, white-striped, yukata. She yawned loudly and went outside in the hallway.<p>

She didn't know where the kitchen was, so she headed in no particular direction. It took her two flights of stair and many poorly lit hallways to get her there. The castle was grand and made of cobblestone, the hallways decorated with paintings of nobilities Kagura would never care about.

She opened the big doors leading in to the kitchen with ease; she was a Yato after all. The room was empty, not even the staff was here at this hour.

It suited her just fine, now she could eat as much as she wanted without anyone complaining about her sluggishness.

The kitchen was large. It had five stoves and plenty of workplace for the cooks. The pantry was on the other side of the kitchen. She walked there hurriedly and flung the door open. She was a little disappointed. After seeing such a grand kitchen, she had believed the pantry just as grand, but his one was even smaller than the one they had at home.

She would be truly miserable here.

She opened the refrigerator next to her on her right side, she looked at the content with abhorrence. The entire fridge was full of mayonnaise and nothing else. Kagura slammed the door shut so she wouldn't have to look at it anymore.

She moved on to the next one. Her irritated stare didn't change when she opened it up; it was filled with nothing but sweet beans. '_What the fuck's wrong with people in this place?_ She used more force when she slammed this door, nearly tipping the fridge over. She sighed.

The Yato was about to check the next one out when someone annoyingly beamed a bright light in her face. "Get that flashlight out of my face" she said with great aggravation. "I'm really hungry, so leave me alone." She was about to open the third fridge when the guy grabbed a hold of her hand.

"Let go of me you jerk, I need to eat! "She exclaimed. She tried to wiggle her way out of the grip, but the person matched her strength. It was no use. "I demand that you release my at once," she half-screamed. He didn't release her and she kicked him in the shin for it.

"Oi, harassing a guardsman's not nice" The guy holding her finally spoke. "I'll have to bring you down to the dungeon for stealing food and assaulting me."

She was about to yell that he couldn't treat the crown prince's fiancé like this, but he covered her mouth with his hand so she couldn't speak. _'I'll kill you, you bastard!'_

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><p>He managed to drag her all the way down to the prison. He tossed her in a cell and locked the door.<p>

The light on the walls finally uncovered his face. He was a young man about her age, maybe a little older. He had flaxen hair and read eyes that showed no emotion. She recognized the black uniform he wore; it was the same as the one she had seen on the guardsmen at the gate when she'd arrived.

"Hey! Do you know who I am?" she demanded.

He pulled a chair in front of her cell door "Don't care," he gave her a wicked grin as he sat down.

_'__How insolent, she was the queen to be!'_ she made a note to remember his face so she could arrange a public execution for him when she got out of there.

The man put his hand inside his jacket and took out a white paper bag. The bag made a crackle as he pulled a sandwich out of it. He studied the azure eyes of his hostage as he unveiled his food, noticing how desperately hungry she was.

Kagura lost her mind and lunged at him trough the bars trying to grab a hold of him. He was unfortunately only an inch away from her grasp. _'He planned this all along, that bastard!'_ She looked at him with contempt, hating him with every fiber in her body. _'What a total sadist!'_

He finished his sandwich and tossed the paper to the side. He bent forward and supported his elbows on his knees, leaning his head on his hands. "Now what should we do now miss piggy?" he said as he smirked.

"You should flee the country so I don't kill you when I get out of here!"

"Then I'll never let you out," he said nonchalantly. "I've been waiting for a new playmate; my old one's so lazy. All he do is lie there." The man pointed to the cell next to hers.

Kagura hadn't noticed that there was someone in the adjacent cell, she'd been too busy picturing all the ways she could kill the sadist in front of her. There was something eerily familiar with the guy in the other cell, like she'd seen him somewhere before. He had messy, silver hair and the red eyes of a dead cod. He was lunging on the floor with his hands behind his head. She thought he looked annoyingly lazy.

"Oi Sofa-kun, you shouldn't badmouth your master you know," the silver-haired man said lazily while digging for gold in his nose.

_'__Wait what! This was his master?'_ She remembered where she'd seen his face before. She'd seen it in one of the larger portraits upstairs. _'Why would he arrest his own master?'_

"_Danna_ you should know my name by now." he answered in a deadpan manner, "It's Okita Sougo, not Sofa." He pulled a pocket watch out from his trousers, "Looks like it's time for my nap," he said casually and stood up from the chair, "I'll see you in an hour or so," and walked out of the dungeon.

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><p>The silver-haired man spoke as soon as Sougo had shut the door behind him. "So, what are you in for?" he said without even looking at her.<p>

"For trespassing," she followed his example and made herself comfortable on the floor. "And you?"

"Loitering." She could hear him flick a booger at the wall. "I should really have him executed you know, to do such things to his master."

"Are you the captain of the guards?" Kagura didn't really care, but she thought the time might pass faster if they talked to each other.

"No, I'm the crown prince," he said like it didn't really matter to him.

Kagura's heart fluttered. _'The crown prince?'_ was this the lazy bum she was supposed to marry the following day? She got seriously aggravated, he was at least 12 years older than her, and he seemed like a useless man. She wanted to kill Kamui for making this match.

"I met your girlfriend earlier," the yato said in reply. "She tried to kill me while I took a bath." She could hear him stir on his side of the bars. She turned to glance at him; he was sitting up and looking directly at her.

"I have no idea of what you're talking about," he scratched his head. "Why would she kill you anyway?"

"That purple haired assassin? she said she was your girlfriend" Kagura shrugged her shoulders. "She wanted to kill me so I couldn't marry you tomorrow. She was much too dumb and weak to do it as you can see."

The crown prince fell down to the floor again. "That lunatic isn't my girlfriend. She's just a crazy stalker that wants to be my M," he said indifferently. "And why would I marry you, you're a brat with negative sex appeal."

He would later regret his words as Kagura dragged his leg over to her cell, giving his privates a painful meeting with the metal bars. "Like I would ever _wan_t to marry a lolicon!" she shouted at him.

The silver-haired man nearly lost consciousness from the excruciating pain. When some of it had subsided, he asked why the stalker had thought they were getting married.

"Because my brother and your mother arranged it." she couldn't believe his stupid question. Like he didn't kno… "What! You don't know we're getting married tomorrow!?" she shrieked.

"Huh, getting married? We-we're getting married? Why? How? WHY?"

_'__He seriously doesn't know! What were they going to do tomorrow!? Knock him out and Weekend-at-Bernies' him?'_ This was just insane!

She sighed loudly. "My clan and the queen arranged for us to marry. My brother wanted more power and land, while your mother wanted heirs to the throne." A shade of red was forming in her cheeks; it was really embarrassing to have to tell her fiancé something like this. He must be really dimwitted if he hadn't noticed all the wedding arrangements that had gone on in the castle.

Gintoki was about to speak when someone interrupted him by entering the dungeon. They both wished it wasn't the sadist that returned, their prayers were answered. In front of them was a taller gentleman with raven black hair and the same guard's uniform as Sougo. He lit a cigarette and inhaled some nicotine before he opened Kagura's door.

"You're free to go miss." Kagura stepped out of the cage and the man closed the door after her. He guided her to the dungeon door and told her that he would be escorting her back to her sleeping quarters.

"Oi, let me out of here Hijikata-san," the crown prince yelped from his cell. "I'll give you 300 yen!"

"Tch, I'm sorry but I can't let you out now." The man named Hijikata said. "Seeing as you've met your little fiancé here, you're regarded as a flight risk."

_'__So that's the reason they haven't told him? He would run away if he knew we were getting married!'_ Kagura met the eyes of her fiancé; she could see he was seriously annoyed by the turn of events.

"So you're just gonna leave me here until the wedding?"

"That was the idea." Hijikata opened the door and lightly pushed the yato out of the room, "we'll get you tomorrow before the ceremony."

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><p>OKOKOKOKOKOKOKOK, so I know I'm writing two others stories! But I came across this one when I was looking for some school-documents on my computer. I looked over it and it was pretty much done (it just needed some editing), so I decided to post it now when I got the chance.<p>

Hope you like this alternate universe created by me, I adapted it from one of my original stories (written in Norwegian).

Don't worry, it'll become Okikagu in the end!


	2. Chapter 2

I'm so overwhelmed by all your Nice and supportive reviews! Thank you all for making this writing experience a fun one! So her it is, part two!

Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama.

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><p>ACT 2<p>

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><p>Kagura let Hijikata escort her all the way back to her sleeping quarters. She told him goodnight and slipped through her door - ready to forget the entirety of the day and go to sleep.<p>

She jumped back in her silk sheets and closed her eyes. They popped right up again when she realized she was still hungry; that was the reason she'd gotten in to the big mess in the first place!

The queen-to-be weighed her options carefully. Should she just try to get some sleep even though her stomach was roaring like a sexually frustrated lion, or should she venture back upstairs and eat something? She chose the latter and regretfully got up from her bed again.

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><p>She carefully opened her door and stuck her head out in the hallway to see if the coast was clear. A single guard was sitting right outside her room. The guard had dark hair down to his shoulders. Kagura stuck her head closer to him and realized the man was sleeping. She grinned and tiptoed out of the room; carefully shutting the door, hoping it wouldn't make a sound and wake him up.<p>

The yato noticed the guard was holding something edible in his hand. Being the glutton that she was, she had no other option than to skillfully sneak it out of his hand. She was so hungry that she put the entire thing in her mouth, chewed a little on it, and spat right it out. _'I HATE ANPAN!'_

She wanted to kick the man in the groin for giving her such high hopes of a decent meal, but decided against it since it would make a great ruckus and spoil her chance to raid the kitchen. Instead of kicking him, she placed the ruined anpan back in his hand, hoping he would eat it, deeming it a fair punishment. She hurredly walked away in case the guard woke up.

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><p>Her fiancé's portrait was hanging on the floor below the kitchen. She had briefly stopped by it to study his features.<p>

The painting was true to its subject, the detailed work of the artist almost amazed Kagura (had she cared about art). Gintoki had a bland stare and was picking his nose, very royal indeed...

She pulled a permanent marker out of the air and started to doodle on the crown prince's face. She thought it would be fitting if his royal highness had a French mustache and monocle; he was nobility after all. She inspected her work, proud of the outcome. She put the marker away and continued on her never-ending quest to fill her stomach.

She went straight to the pantry when she arrived at the kitchen. She ignored the two first fridges and opened the third one with a brisk movement. Kagura's face turned sour as she inspected the 'food' inside. It was some kind of otherworldly dark matter she'd never seen before. '_You know what? Fuck this... I'll rather starve to death than eat anything out of this kitchen._

Maybe she should just go back and eat that guy's anpan after all? She turned on her heels and met with another annoying flashlight in her face.

"I thought I'd find you here." The blond-haired man switched of the light.

"No need to jail me for trespassing sadist, I'll go back to my room now."

"I wasn't going to arrest you. That bastard Hijikata told me you're the crown prince's fiancé, so I should go and apologize to you."

"You don't seem that sincere."

"I'm not, but the shithead told me to."

"You don't like Hijikata?"

"He married my sister, now she's dead," he deadpanned "What's to like?"

"What! He killed your sister?"

"Don't worry about it, I have a plan," he grinned sadistically. "Here, you wont find anything edible in this place" he threw her a paper bag.

"What's this?" she looked at it with puzzlement.

He shrugged. "Look at it as a peace-offering." He turned around and walked away. "See you tomorrow your highness."

She ripped the paper open.

Inside was a delicious looking sandwich. _'Maybe he's not such a bad guy after all?'_ She took a greedy bite of it, and regretted immediately. "HOT, HOT, HOT, HOT!" Her mouth felt like the burning gates of hell had opened inside it. She ran towards the sink and turned on the water, letting her tongue cool down under the cold waterfall.

No, he was a sadist after all! Her first act as a ruler would definitely be to have him publically executed!

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><p>Kagura awoke the following morning by a chambermaid knocking on her door. She let the woman willingly in when she realized that she'd brought her breakfast. The woman bowed and introduced herself as Tae. She had brown hair and was a few years older than the bride.<p>

Tae placed the tray of food on the table in Kagura's room. She pulled out the chair so the young lady could sit down and enjoy her meal. Tae took the lid of the plate and Kagura's face turned white as she recognized the substance from fridge number three.

"Uhm, excuse me miss" she said worriedly "is it possible to get me something else to eat?"

"Does the young lady disapprove of my cooking?" she answered with a fake, almost violent, smile.

Sweat started to drop from Kagura's forehead. "Uh, no. This will do just fine." She stuck a fork in the dark matter and raised it slowly to her mouth. Her eyes started to well up as it touched her tongue.

"It's good no?" Tae continued to smile, "a woman is only as good as her cooking you know."

Kagura faked a smile. _'Then you're good for nothing, you should marry Gintoki'_ "Thank you for the delicious meal. I would eat more, but I have to fit my wedding dress."

"Nonsense! I heard that you yatos had quite the appetite, so I prepared an extra-large portion for you to eat." She brought another plate to the table.

"No really, I'm fine."

The chambermaid took the dark matter and stuffed it in Kagura's mouth. '_IS THIS ANOTHER ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT? DOES EVERY WOMAN HERE WANT TO KILL ME AND MARRY THAT USELESS BASTARD?'_

Tae was about to force another piece down Kagura's throat when she got interrupted by a squealing voice.

"What are you doing big sister? Are you trying to kill the crown prince's fiancé!?" a dorky looking guy with glasses entered the room. "If you kill her, Otsu the bard wont play at their wedding. And it would look really bad if the squire's sister killed his master's fiancé!"

'_WHAT THE HELL, LIKE THAT'S THE BIG ISSUE HERE!_ Kagura gave the dark-haired boy the stinky-eye as she tried to swallow his sister's not-so-fine cuisine.

"What are you talking about Shin-chan?" she gave him the same fake smile. "Do you think my cooking is deadly?"

Sweat started to appear on the guy's forehead. "No-no, of course not. You know I love your cooking."

"Then you can have my leftovers," Kagura grinned sadistically as she wiped her face with the sleeves of her yukata.

"N-no, I can't eat the royal highness' food."

Kagura patted on the chair next to her. "I absolutely insist."

He had no other option than to comply to the wishes of his masters' fiancé. Kagura left the room to make her dress fitting, happy to know that someone else suffered today as well.

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><p>The anpan-guy from the previous night was still outside her door. He cheerfully introduced himself as Yamazaki, and told her that he was in charge of taking her to her fitting. Kagura followed him downstairs.<p>

They met the two guardsmen, Hijikata and Sougo, on their way there. They were carrying the prince between them. The silver-haired man was knocked out and clearly bleeding from his head.

"Ooops, it's bad luck to see your husband before the wedding," the sadist said like he'd planned the whole thing. He grinned as their eyes met.

She wanted to choke him immediately, but there were unfortunately too many witnesses.

"Don't bother the young miss Sougo, she can have you executed you know."

"The only one that should be executed is you Hijikata-san, go-die-Hijikata-san."

"Hey watch what you're saying you bastard!"

"Uhm, I think it's for the best if we just keep walking," Yamazaki said while nervously stroking the back of his head. He placed a hand on Kagura's shoulder and guided her away from them.

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><p>He brought her into a large room with several white gowns hanging on racks. There were three large mirrors in the middle of the room, placed around a small step. Kagura deducted that she would have to stand on it and 'admire' herself from any possible angle while trying on numerous gowns, like she was some kind of American rom-com.<p>

Yamazaki excused himself and left her alone in the room.

Kagura gave the gowns a lazy look and decided to not care, it wasn't like she wanted to get married anyway. She threw herself on a couch near the door and let her finger slide inside her nose.

"Oh my, what a cute little princess," a woman in a wheelchair said as she was rolled into the room by a young brown-haired boy and a blonde woman. The woman in the wheelchair was quite beautiful; she had dark hair, done in a traditional Japanese fashion. "Are you excited for your big day?" she said smilingly. "My name is Hinowa, and this is my son Seita. We're going to help you get ready for you wedding."

"My name is Tsukuyo," the blonde woman said. She was smoking a pipe. "Nice to meet you," Tsukuyo looked a little annoyed; a vein was clearly showing in her forehead.

"Don't mind Tsukky, she's just jealous that you're marrying her crush," the young boy said. Tsukky hit him in the head.

"I don't care if that loser marries a hounded lolis, I swore of men a long time ago."

"If you say so," Seita said sullenly as he rubbed the sore spot in the back of his head.

Hinowa giggled in her hand. "I'm sorry, my family is kind of high-spirited. Now, let's get you into a gown shall we?"

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><p>Kagura must have tried at least ten dresses, she would have been happy with either one of them, but Hinowa insisted that she tried them all before she made up her mind.<p>

Lazy as the bride was, she chose the last one so she didn't have to change into a new one. The one she wore now was a traditional ball gown with pearls embroidered into the corset; it had a blue sash around the waist that matched Kagura's eyes.

Tsukky did her hair, and Hinowa did her makeup.

"My, look how beautiful you are Kagura-chan." Hinowa exclaimed when they finished. She forced the bride in front of the mirror.

"I was always beautiful, that's what my mother said at least." She was not at all impressed, and stuck a finger up her nose again; she wiped a booger on her dress.

"Hey, be careful you brat, that's really expensive!" an older woman entered the fitting room.

"Your highness," everyone but Kagura and Hinowa bowed as Queen Otose entered. She had her two counselors, Tama and Catherine, with her.

"It's disgraceful that someone like this should rule in your stead." Catherine said. Catherine was perhaps the ugliest woman Kagura had ever seen in her sixteen years. "I should be the one marrying the prince and take your place."

"You're too old to give any heirs," Tama said.

"You're too metallic," she retorted.

"Shut up the two of you!" Otose said and slammed their heads together. "Is the bride ready?" Hinowa nodded. "Then let's go."

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><p>Kagura waited for her father to arrive so he could walk her down the altar. He had promised to do it, but Kagura was used to her father being absent due to his work. He had not been there when her mother died. She had therefore expected him to be absent for her wedding. She was unfortunately right.<p>

The next natural choice was for Kamui to walk her down the aisle, but he wasn't present either. Where the hell was her family?

In the end, the man walking Kagura down' the aisle was someone she'd never met. He said he'd been on standby the entire time. He had womanly long hair and was named Zur… "It's not Zura, it's Katsura!" **DON'T INTERRUPT ME YOU OUTDATED IDIOT, I'M THE ONE TELLING THE STORY HERE!** *sigh* he was named Katsura...

They walked down the aisle to the regular wedding march. Everyone Kagura had ever met was present. She waved to her friend Soyo-chan, a princess of a neighboring country. She was there with her big brother; that had decided to show up wearing only his royal whitie-tighties. On the row in front of them was prince Hata, Kagura hated him and gave him the finger. He was too busy drooling at Kagura's 'flower girl', Sadaharu (her big white dog) to notice her insolence.

Kagura looked at the altar. The prince was still unconscious _'Their really going for Weekend at Bernies?'_ and was held up by the same two guards. Gintoki's best man was much older than him; he had sunglasses (INSIDE) and looked like a real madao.

There was no one on Kagura's side. She sighed, _'Doesn't anyone in my family care that I'm getting married here? They're the ones that arranged it yes?'_

They reached the altar. Katsura cried into his handkerchief as 'his little girl' was growing up and leaving the nest. He sat down beside someone dressed in a bird-costume. The thing was wearing a flowery dress and a gray Wig, it acted like it was Kagura's proud mother and blew its nose on the dress-sleeves. Holding up a sign "We love you"

_'WHY ARE YOU SO TEARY-EYED?_ I_ DON'T KNOW YOU, YOU DAMN FREAKS!'_

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><p>The minister started the sermon. He was a tall manly man with a beard… he was wearing a dress. <em>'I hope someone speak up so I won't have to stay in this kingdom'<em>.

"You look nice China, enjoying your big day?" Sougo whispered.

"Shut up sadist. How are you going to make this look legit? It's clearly a shotgun wedding."

"Hijikata-san has to stick his hand up your fiancé's as***** and work him like a puppet, not much to it really."

"Shut up the hell up the two of you, you're ruining the sermon."

"You're ruining the sermon, go-die-hijikata-san."

"Oi, watch what you're saying."

The minister stopped his preaching and glared at them, none of them dared to say anything else.

* * *

><p>Kagura got more and more anticipated as the minister reached the "speak now or forever hold your silence" part of the ceremony. She really hoped someone would interrupt this farce. Her prayers were answered as the ceiling of the church blasted open, revealing her brother on the other side.<p>

Kamui jumped down beside her. "Sorry I'm late little sister. Killing papa took a little longer that I had anticipated." He gave her the usual Kamui-smile, where he looked like a sly fox more than a human being. "Are you enjoying your big day?"


	3. Chapter 3

Hahahahaha, I said this was only going to be three act's right? AAHAHAHAHAHA, nope! I got a bit inspired, and now I don't know how many chapters it will be.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama

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><p><strong>ACT 3<strong>

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><p>Kamui had finally arrived at the wedding, but in the most unfashionable way possible.<p>

Kagura studied her brother's sly face, was he telling the truth, or was this just one of those out-of-place jokes that Kamui told once in a while?

It was as if he read her mind, "I am serious dear sister," his smile intact. "It's time for our clan to take over this world. I had hoped your wedding was over already so you would be the next heir to this place, but it doesn't matter, we're strong enough to take it by force anyway." He held his hand out to her. "Join me would you."

Kagura slapped his arm as hard as she possibly could. "Are you insane? Of course I won't join you, idiot! Where's papi, what have you done to him?"

"I told you, I killed him. That's why I'm late."

"Why?" she screamed, tears popping up in the corner of her eyes.

He didn't flinch, "now you're being the idiot. You know why... Father was weak; it was time for a new, stronger and more ambitious leader." He grabbed Kagura's arm. "And I'm not asking, I'm telling you to come with me."

Both Sougo and Hijikata dropped Gintoki on the floor. They sheathed their katanas and directed it at the violent redhead.

"Well looky here, you think you're strong enough to oppose me?"

"I'm the resident sadist here, unhand my toy," Sougo deadpanned. Kagura managed to kick him somehow. "Hey I'm defending you China, don't assault your knight in shining armor."

"That's the spirit sister! Now kill him so we can get out of here."

"I'd rather marry that useless man over there and have him executed, than kill him now and follow you."

"You're being difficult as always." He tugged a little harder in her arm, "Fine, I'll cook you your favorite for dinner, rice with egg, please just do as your big brother tell you."

Kagura wrestled herself out of his grip. "Food isn't everything Kamui. I won't go with you. I'd rather stay here and eat dark matter and mayonnaise forever!"

"Then I don't see any other option than to make you follow me." Kamui's sly smile turned into a slightly evil grin. He grabbed a hold of the umbrella in his belt and jumped several meters back. He aimed his weapon at the two men that had threatened him with their swords "It was a pleasure meeting you, see you in the afterlife." He fired away at them.

Hijikata and Sougo used their katanas to dodge his bullets, but they were unable to counter attack at this range. Kagura opened her own umbrella that she'd hidden underneath her dress (in case of emergency) and shielded them. "Get away from here, you're no match for a Yato."

"Like I'd let a little girl dictate me,"

"Shut up Hijikata,"

"Yes, shut up Hijikata, go-and-die-Hijikata"

"That's getting really old, you-go-and-die!"

"Both of you go and die!" Katsura yelled from the audience. Kagura fired a warning shot at him. "Leader, be careful, you almost killed your standby fath…" She threw both her high-heeled shoes in his face.

"Save your prince or whatever, I'll deal with my brother," she gave the two men a serious look. They nodded and took the prince between them. "Everyone! Please evacuate the church for your own safety." She didn't have to ask twice, everyone ran out leaving the siblings alone.

"Now it's just you and me," she turned to face Kamui.

* * *

><p>Kamui gave her his usual sly smile and came at her with all his might. She parried and jumped to the side. He anticipated her move and managed to slit her stomach, blood staining the white fabric.<p>

Kagura covered the wound with her left hand, _'damn, I can't move properly wearing this thing!'_ She tore of the skirt part of the dress. She was glad Hinowa had made her wear those ridiculous frilly underpants one did underneath a gown like this; she would have been pretty undressed otherwise.

Her older brother shook his head. "You ruined your dress, what would the seamstress say to this?"

Kagura retorted by jumping up in the air, showering him with bullets. He opened his umbrella, stopping every last one of the. While he was busy doing this, Kagura went at him with full speed, using her weapon as a bat to knock him out.

Kamui was too fast and stopped her umbrella with his own, right when it was about to hit his head. He smiled at her "you loose" and punched her in the gut with his free hand. His strength was too much for her to handle, she fell down on her knees, wrapping her arms around her stomach. Kamui kicked her in the head. She fell down, her eyes flickered a little, she was about to lose consciousness.

The violent yato was about to give her another kick when his foot was suddenly stopped in midair. Kagura looked up at her savior. It was the useless crown prince, Gintoki!

Gintoki used his sword to slash Kamui in the stomach. The yato hadn't noticed when he'd entered the room, the prince had used this as an advantage to overpower the terrorist.

"Well isn't it my soon to be brother-in-law. How're doing?" Kamui said with his fox-smile.

"Feeling much better now that I'm able to kick the ass of the man who arranged this idiotic event."

"Idiotic? You should feel proud that you almost married a yato," he knocked away Gintoki's sword. "Not that you can now, I've changed my mind."

"Suits me just fine, she's a flat chested brat anyway. Ketsuno Ana is the only woman I would willfully marry."

"My-my you're ungrateful," Kamui readied himself to attack again.

Kagura tried to speak up, but her mind went dark and she drifted away.

* * *

><p>"Kagura-chan?" a familiar voice called out to her.<p>

Kagura blinked her eyes, her head felt heavy and she could barely see through the mist. "What papi?"

"You're okay! My sweet innocent girl is okay!" her father embraced her violently.

"Au watch it! My head, my head hurts…" Umibouzu let go of his daughter. "What happened? Didn't Kamui kill you?" She couldn't see him clearly, but she could see that he shook his head.

"I was almost dead, but the Queen's guards found me at the right time. I lost and arm though." He showed her the stump, covered with bandages. "A small price to pay when I get to see my favorite child again."

"No wonder Kamui tried to kill you baldie, being so up front about who like the most." Kagura tried to sit up a little. Umibouzu adjusted the pillow for her so she could be more comfortable.

"I wish that was the reason, then everyone wouldn't be in danger."

"What do you think he's doing now?"

"I heard he joined the Harusame," Sougo entered the room with the crown prince and his squire.

"You mean the infamous space pirates?" Kagura asked.

"Looks like" Gintoki sat down beside her bed, "how're you feeling?"

"The way I look," Kagura replied

Sougo was leaning against the wall next to her head "Like a piggish monster?"

"That was really unkind Okita-san!" the glasses said.

She hit Sougo in the stomach. He hit her back in the arm, with less force than she had anticipated. _'I must really be wrecked if he's being this gentle'_ "I need to thank you, all of you" her eyes traced between them. "You saved my father and me… I'm not sure how I'll ever be able to pay you back."

Gintoki lifted his legs up on her bed and placed his hands behind his head. "Renounce our wedding vows and we're even."

"We never took them"

"Then agree to break up the engagement," he started to pick his nose.

"Gladly."

"Then we're even." He gave her a smile and flicked a booger at his squire. His eyes almost opened above dead-fish range, as if to celebrate the occasion.

"You're making it too easy for her _danna_, you should make her eat garbage or something. Or force her to marry Hijikata-san."

"Why am I being punished?" Hijikata entered the room. "You four, the meeting is starting."

The men were about to leave when Kagura flung her sheets on the floor "I'm coming with." She hopped out of the bed.

"No you're not" Sougo tried to force her back down, "we don't need useless wounded brats."

Umibouzu placed his hand on Sougo's shoulder. "You can't force a yato to do anything. If we leave her here, she'll just sneak after us." Kagura grinned at her father.

"Pacchi-boy, send for her clothes" the crown prince said and waved as he walked off with Hijikata.

Sougo let go of the girl, "don't do anything reckless now," and followed after his master.

Her father was the last one to leave. "I'll see you in a bit," he smiled reassuringly

* * *

><p>"What's this meeting for anyway?" Kagura was buttoning up the chinse-styled dress her handmaiden had gotten for her.<p>

"Shin-chan said it had something to do with foreign affairs. You're brother's a big threat to us and our neighboring countries. Both Shogun Shige Shige and Prince Hata stayed behind to discuss the situation."

"You know a lot boss-lady," Kagura said with excitement.

Otae gave her a genuine smile, "one can learn a lot by hiding in the shadows in this castle."

"You don't struck me as someone who hides away in the shadows."

"I'm don't either, but my friend does." The chambermaid pointed at the ceiling, the purple-haired assassin from the previous night appeared from behind a wooden beam.

"Sarutobi-san! Are you still trying to kill me? It's pretty lazy of you to off someone that's already mortally wounded" Kagura asked with wonderment.

"Just call me Sacchan, and no I'm not, you're no threat to Gin and my future anymore." She jumped down on the floor. A kunai graced her hair, cutting off a good portion of it. "Hey watch it you bitch!"

"Aren't you married Sacchan?" Tsukky stood in the doorway, smoking her pipe.

"It's just a marriage of convenience." She pointed at Otae, "besides, my gorilla husband is only interested in other gorillas!"

Otae grabbed her face and threw her into the wall. "Who're you calling a gorilla Sacchan?" she said with her fake smile in place. A shiver went down Kagura's spine. All the women in this kingdom was truly terrifying.

"Otae-san" another woman entered the room. She had dark hair in a ponytail and an eye-patch. "I've come to pick up the yato girl, we can't postpone the meeting any longer."

"Ah, sorry Kyuubei-chan. We're almost finished, I just have to brush the young lady's hair."

"Don't worry about it boss-lady, I don't care if it's messy." Kagura skipped happily to the doorway.

"But Kagura-chan, you're a lady. Ladies have to look a certain way when they're out in society." Otae put a hand in front of her mouth and blushed. She realized that Kyuubei was a lady as well. She turned to look at her friend. "I'm sorry Kyuubei-chan, I didn't mean to offend you."

Kyuubei grabbed her hands and blushed, "you could never offend me Otae"

Kagura didn't really know what she was looking at. Was this some kind of Korean soap opera or something? She grabbed Kyuubei's collar and dragged her out of the room, "we were in a hurry yes?"

* * *

><p>The meeting was held in a grand hall with a tall ceiling. There was a long table in the middle of the room and a chandelier above it. Everyone except Kagura and Kyuubei was present when they arrived. They sat down in their respective seats, Kagura by her father and Kyuubei on the other side of the table next to her grandfather.<p>

Otose sat at the top with her two advisors and her good-for-nothing son. Gintoki was sleeping on the table, drool coming out of his mouth. His squire stood behind him, ready to service whenever his master required it.

Across from him sat a man she'd never seen before. He had brown hair and a bearded chin. His uniform suggested he might be the captain of the guards. Next to him was Hijikata, eating something indistinguishable covered in mayonnaise. _'Is that why there's an entire fridge dedicated to nothing but mayonnaise?'_ . She nearly puked.

Behind Hijikata stood the sadist, rubbing his hands together, glaring at the mayo-freak. _'He's definitely poisoned him! Serves him right for flaunting such a disgusting meal in front of innocent bystanders.'_

Next to Kagura sat Shogun Shige Shige and his advisor Matsudaira, an older gentleman with grey hair. The advisor was known to enjoy the occasional visit to the pleasure house, and the Shoun always looked to him for advice on how to interact with the commoners. The shogun's sister wasn't there, she never took part in these sort of things. She usually spent her time with her bodyguard Nobume.

On the other side of them sat Prince Hata and his advisor Jii, both looked really uninterested. She wondered why they were there in the first place, they didn't care about earthly matters, she didn't even know why they were at the wedding, no-one liked them.

Otose rose from her chair. "Let's start this meeting."


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama

* * *

><p><strong>ACT 4<strong>

* * *

><p>Otose stood by the top of the table "Let's start this meeting." She gestured at Umibouzu and sat down.<p>

"Right," Kagura's father rose from his seat and walked to a map that'd been dragged in by two guards. "As you can see, our kingdom is right here in the north." He pointed at the top of the map. "Between this kingdom and ours is Shogun Shige Shige's land" he pointed at the country below the Yato's. "This is where we keep most of our soldiers at this time of the year." He drew an arrow from the most western part of the Yato Kingdom into the Edo border. "You should send a large force there." He tapped on the map.

"And what if your son anticipated the counterattack?" Matsudaira said and lit a cigarette. Hijikata followed his example and lit one himself, using a lighter shaped as a mayonnaise bottle.

Umibouzu nodded, "Kamui won't lead his attack there… he's too smart. But he'll be forced to leave some men behind if we send an army to that region, weakening his vanguard." He drew an X in the middle of the kingdom and an arrow leading east to the Edo border. "This is where he'll attack. This is mostly forest, making it a great battleground for yatos who have to shield their skin from the sun. It's only a few miles away from the capital."

Shige Shige raised his hand, as if he was in a class. Umibuozu didn't know how to respond and pointed at the Shogun, allowing him to speak. "What about the Harusame? Can't they attack anywhere with their ships?"

Hijikata took the floor. "Intel says that the space pirates are beyond the Royal Planet. Kamui did his coupé d'état a week ahead of schedule, making the playing fields even. Prince Hata, you should contact the king and request him to intervene before the Harusame passes your planet on their way to earth."

Hata doodled circles in the table with his finger, resting his head on his free hand. "Why would our planet get involved? We have nothing to do with earthly matters. The only thing I like in your world is the animals, and I have one of every species already. I only want love and peace" His voice was like nails on a chalkboard.

Kagura leaned over and ripped out the charm in his forehead. "Then we'll kidnap you and make your father do it!"

"Ow, what do you think you're doing to my handsome face?" tears welled up in his eyes. "Jii, do something!" The prince's advisor paid him no mind and looked in another direction. "Fine fine, I won't call my father, but I'm willing to take you to our planet tomorrow morning"

Kagura looked at her father, he nodded approvingly. She tossed the charm back to Prince Hata, he had to use duct tape to make it stay in its original place.

Hijikata was about to continue his briefing when he suddenly wrapped his arms around his abdomen. Kagura sat on the edge of her seat and looked at him impatiently, hoping he would either puke or dirty his pants. She glanced over at Sougo, he was grinning victoriously.

Hijikata ran out of the room, leaving Otose the task of finishing up the meeting.

She placed both her hands on the table and stood up again. "Prince Gintoki, Okita Sougo, Yagyuu Kyuubei and Lady Kagura, you're in charge of the Harusame and will head out with Prince Hata in the morning. Hijikata Toshiro will join you if he's feeling better." She glanced at Sougo knowingly "The rest of us will stay behind and deal with the immediate threat. But before that, we have a wedding party to attend to, I've paid a lot of money for it so I'll be damned if you don't enjoy the food and festivities.

* * *

><p>The party was kind of awkward seeing as it was supposed to be Kagura's reception. The staff had done their best to hide everything involving the wedding, but one could still tell.<p>

The bride herself didn't seem to mind, she was busy stuffing her face full of bacon-wrapped shrimp and crab claws. Her dress was a glorified napkin at this point.

She had a pregnant-belly when she finished, and picked her teeth with toothpicks. She studied the other partygoers, she knew only a few of them seeing as most of the guests were from Kabukicho.

The crown prince's squire had devoted himself to the bard, drooling at her every move. The prince himself was drinking heavily with the queen and her father on the other side of the room. The man who had acted as Gintoki's best man was in fact a jester, who earned more punches than laughter throughout the night.

She watched as Sacchan tried to get the attention from her love by dressing up as a parfait, it failed miserably as the crown prince just kicked her out of his way to the bathroom. Not that Sacchan didn't appreciate the pain he gave her.

Sacchan's husband on the other hand was trying to flirt with Otae by serenading her on the lute. The song sounded more like a gorilla mating call, and he got a well deserved punch in the face. She sighed and could only admire the persistency in the two stalkers. She had heard they only got married so their crushes would get jealous, which failed miserably.

Kagura rose from her seat to get some more shrimp. She filled her plate and was about to unhinge her jaw and eat it all in one sitting, when someone slapped the shrimp out of her hand. "Hey!"

"I'd suggest you don't eat that, unless you'd like to spend the rest of the evening on a chamber pot." Kagura looked up at the raven-haired man standing beside her. She grimaced and pushed the tray away from her. "Wise choice," he said and moved along. He dodged the cannon shot Sougo fired at him.

Kagura decided to speak to her father. She was unsure about their plans tomorrow - more unsure on where they were going to sleep tonight. The queen had made a point of telling that she didn't want any freeloaders under her roof, her son was freeloading enough for the entire kingdom.

She sat down beside her father, and was swiftly joined by the gorilla married to Sacchan. He introduced himself as Sarutobi Kondo Isaou. "You took your wife's last name?"

Kondo scratched his head and smiled, "yeah, she said there was only one man's name she'd take, and it wasn't mine! But we have to make people think we're married, so I took her name to make sure." Kagura defied the urge to smack his head down in the table. '_Are they this desperate for attention from the ones they're stalking?' _They were both total morons!

She turned to her father and asked if he'd made any sleeping arrangements. She'd heard from Otae that all the inns were full, so they had to crash at someone's place for the night. Kondo offered his hospitality.

* * *

><p>They left the party and went home with the Sarutobis. They lived in a small house not too far away from the castle. Kondo joked that he was always late even though he lived so close, Sacchan was intoxicated and ,loudly, complained about how Gintoki had ignored her the entire evening, and how Tsukky had gotten all the attention when she had beat him up in a drunken frenzy.<p>

Kondo just smiled at his wife's story and showed his guests in. The place seemed larger on the inside than on the outside. Kondo explained that they had two spare bedrooms for them, so there was no need to share. He showed Umibouzu his room first. Then he took Kagura further down the hall and opened the door for her. "Hope you like it"

Kagura most definitely didn't like it! It looked like the lair of a serial killer. The entire room covered in pictures of Gintoki's face, a shrine in the far end of the room dedicated to him, and a bodypillow of his likeness. She had felt so happy when they broke the engagement and she wouldn't have to see his dead fish eye as the last thing in the evening, here it was the only option. There was no way she would stay in this place.

She walked over to her father's room, it was similar to hers, but the walls here were covered with pictures of Otae. Loud snores emitted from his bedroll. _'How can he sleep in a place like that? Pervert!'_ she slammed the door as she walked away, hoping it would wake him up.

She walked out of their house and ventured back to the castle. The party was still going when she left, so it was a high chance that there would be other hospitable people around.

* * *

><p>The jester madao was standing outside the castle gates when she returned. He gave her a cheerful wave and asked where she'd run off to. Kagura explained the situation and he suggested she could stay at his place. It wasn't far away.<p>

They got to a big mansion. Kagura was really impressed and wondered why a rich man like himself was doing such a humiliating job. "It's right here" he said and pointed at a large cardboard box in the alley behind the grand house. She punched him down to the ground and left him there, bleeding from the head.

She walked past a little cottage. The door opened as she had just passed it. "I've been on stanby…" Kagura slammed the door into Katsura's face. _'No way I'm staying at your place weirdo!'_

The last person she met that evening was Hijikata. She was tired and didn't care anymore, she immediately jumped at his offer of staying at his place.

The vice-captain's home was smaller than the captains and had only one spare bedroom. Still, it was an upgrade from madao's cardboard box. There were two rules she had to follow, don't eat his mayonnaise and don't be loud. She had no problem with either.

He gave her a bedroll and showed her to the room. She noticed a picture of him and a woman hanging on the wall. "Sougo's sister I presume?"

"Oh yeah, how did you know?"

"The sadist said you killed her?"

"He did what!" Hijikata grabbed her shoulders. "He told you I _killed_ my wife?"

"He said you married, and then she died," she shrugged

"That bastard… no I didn't kill Mitsuba! She was very sick when we got married, she'd always been that way."

Kagura got a little puzzled, "So you didn't, why would he insinuate it then?"

"The hell if I know! Probably because he isn't a great sharer." He sighed "Mitsuba was the only person taking care of him when he was younger. Sougo's parents died right after he was born. The only other person in his life was Kondo, and he felt like I stole them both away."

She was about to ask more questions, but she noticed the sad look on Hijikata's face. It couldn't be easy for him to live like this, among the belongings of his deceased wife. Kagura knew just how much she missed her mother. She patted him on the shoulder and walked inside the room. He closed the door behind her.

Kagura got undressed and slipped inside the bedroll, it wasn't nearly as comfortable as the silk sheets in the castle, but she didn't have to share a bed with the crown prince for the rest of her life either, making it worth it in the end.

* * *

><p>A wave of cold water woke Kagura the following morning. She coughed and tried to get the liquid out of her nose. Sougo was standing over her, holding a bucket in his hands.<p>

"Wakey-wakey China, we have a long day ahead of us," he grinned sadistically.

"Gah, why are you here?" she screeched.

"I _was_ going to poison Hijikata so he couldn't come with us on our mission, but then I noticed your shoes in the hallway. I thought it would be more fun if I tortured you before you could get the chance to wake up on your own."

Kagura kicked him in the leg, he winced from the pain and let the bucked slip through his fingers. She grabbed the bucked and stood up, she tried to slam it against his head."Don't you know you shouldn't wake up women during their beauty sleep?"

He skillfully dodged by doing a back flip. He sheathed his sword and was ready to attack the girl armed with a metal bucket, when Hijikata stepped into the room and slammed their heads together.

"Quiet down now kids, do you want to commit seppuku?"

* * *

><p>Kagura and Sougo were both sporting a Looney-Toones-bump in the head. They were sitting on the opposite side in the ship. Gintoki sat next to Kagura and Hijikata sat next to Sougo, making it impossible for the rivals to access one another.<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

So the story isn't actually wedding related anymore. But I think it's better to just continue the story here instead of starting a new thread or changing the name. So I'll just give the act's a new name when the main focus of the story changes.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama

* * *

><p><strong>ACT 5 – ROYAL PAINS<strong>

* * *

><p>Hata's ship left the terminal exactly 12:17, two hours behind schedule. There were four reasons why that happened. First: Gintoki had overslept (duh), secondly: Kagura and Sougo had teamed up and beat the crap out of Hijikata (for slamming their heads together), thirdly: Hata had simply forgotten that he'd promised them a ride, fourthly: they had to find a new pilot because the old one was still intoxicated from the wedding reception.<p>

On board the ship were the ones appointed by Queen Otose: Gintoki, Sougo, Kagura, Kyuubei and Hijikata. They all got clearance to bring one additional passenger with them. The crown prince brought his squire, Shinpachi; the sadist brought the helpless Yamazaki; Kagura brought her big white dog, Sadaharu; Kyuubei brought Shinpachi's older sister, Otae; and Hijikata brought a bottle of mayonnaise.

"Hey, I'm clearly the odd one out here!" the mayo-addict yelled.

Prince Hata and Jii was also present, sitting on the seat nearest the cockpit. On the other side of them was a sleeping Sadaharu. Behind the dog sat Kagura by the window and Gintoki by the aisle, Hijikata on the opposite seat, Sougo by the window. Behind the two guards were the Shimura siblings, Shinpachi had insisted on sitting next to his sister, keeping Kyuubei at an arm's length. Kyuubei was sitting next to Yamazaki, pretending to enjoy the traveling games he proposed.

It was going to a long trip…

* * *

><p>"Good morning everyone, this is your standby capt…" Kagura threw a shoe at the speaker system. The door leading in to the cockpit flung open, a pirate captain stepped out. He coughed into his hand, "as I was saying. I'm your standby captain, captain Katsura."<p>

"Oi Zura, are you sure you're able to fly this thing?" Gintoki asked lazily, looking at the captain with his dead fish eyes.

"It's not Zura, it's captain kats…" Sougo threw Hijikata's bottle of mayonnaise in Katsura's face, knocking him unconscious. Elizabeth (Katsura's sidekick) ran out of the cockpit, dressed as the co-pilot. He held a sign up "Get a hold of yourself Captain Katsura!" he dragged him back inside, leaving the passengers' to their own devices.

Hijikata got really mad and punched Sougo in the face for endangering his 'additional passenger'. Sougo was about to retaliate, lifting a bazooka from under his seat and aiming at the vice-captain. Elizabeth came out, dressed as a flight stewardess this time, and slapped him in the face. He took the bazooka out of his hand and held up a sign "you're disturbing the other passengers."

Sougo slid back down in his seat. He looked out of the window, unimpressed by the millions of stars surrounding them. He decided to sleep and grabbed his red sleeping mask. The sadist was about to cover his eyes with it, when he saw that Hijikata was about to light a cigarette. He pressed the service button.

Elizabeth came back to their seat. "I'm sorry miss, but I think Hijikata is disturbing the other passengers with his smoking. Just because he's making bad life decisions, doesn't mean he have to make us suffer through them." Elizabeth nodded at Sougo and slapped the cigarette out of Hijikata's mouth, taking his pack and lighter with him.

Hijikata looked at Sougo with murderous eyes; he gave in and made himself comfortable. Sougo was about to cover his eyes again, when Hijikata dragged a bottle of mayonnaise out of his jacket. The sadist pressed the service button once again. Elizabeth came back.

"I'm sorry miss, but I think Hijikata is disturbing the other passengers with his disgusting food habits. Just because he's making bad life decisions, doesn't mean we have to suffer trough them." Elizabeth knocked the bottle out of the mayo-freaks hand and took it with him, leaving an even more frustrated guard.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing you bastard?" Hijikata grabbed Sougo's collar and drew the sadist near his face, ready to give him a piece of his mind. Sougo, unmoved, pushed the service button a third time.

"Excuse me miss, but Hijikata is disturbing the other passengers by being loud and violent. He shouldn't flaunt his flaws in front of innocent children like China and Prince Baka, who knows what he could teach their formative minds."

Elizabeth slapped Hijikata for the third and final time. He tied the man up using a life-preserver and some rope. He tied a handkerchief around Hijikata's mouth, making the man unable to speak. Sougo gave him an evil grin, and put his sleeping mask on. He started counting Hijikata-corpses, but only so loud that Hijikata was the only one that could hear it. Hijikata tried to struggle free, but it was no use.

* * *

><p>On the other side of the aisle, Kagura was happily chatting away with Otae. Her brother was listening to a CD on his Discman, his eyes closed, tears rolling down his cheeks.<p>

Gintoki was returning from the bathroom. He glanced over at Hijikata; the bound man was looking at him like he wanted help. Gin let an evil chuckle escape his mouth; he sat down and dragged a permanent marker out from his seat pocket. He drew a French mustache and a monocle on Hijikata's face, reminiscent of the painting of Gintoki with the same features. He grinned and turned away from the man.

"Why were you gone for so long Gin-chan?" Kagura said in a childlike manner.

"It's these modern toilets. Living in an old castle I'm only used to chamber pots you know." He let his seat down and placed his hands behind his head. "There really isn't any consistency in this story, it's like the author wanted it to seem all medieval, but then changed her mind and introduced space pirates."

"Is that so?" Kagura said and imitated him, "Is that why Pattsan is able to listen to a CD a BARD made."

"Mhm," gin picked his nose. "No consistency."

"Do you think it will be long 'til we reach the Royal Planet, Gin-san?" Otae wondered behind them.

"At least a day; hopefully we'll reach it before the Harusame does," Gintoki yawned into his hand. "Better get ourselves comfortable, time will pass faster if we're sleep."

* * *

><p>Kagura woke up and wiped the drool of her mouth. She blinked twice and looked at the other passengers. Everyone but herself was sleeping; even the man bound next to Gintoki.<p>

The last time she'd seen Hijikata, he'd only had a mustache and a monocle, now someone had doodled a penis in his forehead and on his left cheek. Kagura grinned and concluded that she wanted to join in on the fun. _'But first I have to go to the bathroom'_

She climbed over Gintoki, kneeing him in his privates. He was too sound asleep and didn't notice. _'It'll be a wonder if he can produce heirs at this point'_. She patted Sadaharu on the head before she walked to the back of the ship where the toilets were.

She opened the door looked at the person sitting inside, and slammed it again. '_Did Prince Hata bring a gorilla gorilla gorilla with him?'_

"Oh China-san, I didn't mean to disturb you." Kondo walked out of the bathroom with a _Jump_ under his arm. He reached out his hand to greet her.

"I didn't hear you wash your hand, get your germs away from me," she said and gave him a deadpan glare.

Kondo blushed and scratched the back of his head. "I'm sorry miss, I didn't think about that." He walked back inside and washed his hands. "There."

She didn't shake his hand this time either. "Shouldn't you be back at earth, protecting everyone from my insane brother?" Kagura gave him a displeased look.

"Ah, about that, I thought it was more important if I came with you guys and protected Otae-san." Kagura grabbed his face and threw him into the wall. His wife fell down from the ceiling, landing on top of him. "We'll isn't this nice, you guys on your honeymoon or what?"

"It's nothing like that Kagura-chan," Sacchan said and jumped off her husband. "I just wanted to make sure that the prince was safe."

"Why would you want to check up on Prince Hata?"

"I didn't mean Hata you idiot! I meant Gintoki!"

"Well they're both safe, so you can go back to earth now." Kagura tossed them a couple of parachutes and was about to kick them out the door, not interested in the laws of gravity when traveling in outer space, "have a safe landing."

"Oi, what're you doing." The sadist came to inspect the ruckus. "Why are you here Kondo-san." He rubbed his eyes; the sleeping mask was on top of his head.

Sougo didn't get an answer before the plane started shaking.

Katsura turned on the speaker system. "This is your captain speaking; we're experiencing a bit of turbulence. Please go back to your seats and buckle up." They were about to do as the pilot said, when the speaker system switched on again. "What do you mean we're out of fuel Elizabeth? We have just enough to get twelve people and a giant dog all the way to Royal Planet!"

Sacchan and Kondo's faces turned white. Sougo and Kagura turned and faced the two stalkers. Their auras turned red and blue as they attacked the stowaways.

Sougo kicked Kondo in his jewels, making sure that he'd never be able to reproduce. Kagura pulled in Sacchan's hair and threw her to the opposite side of the ship; she could hear the assassin hit the cockpit, blasting through the wall and hitting the two pilots in their heads, knocking them unconscious.

"Now look what you have done China!" Sougo yelled and punched her in the gut. She jumped up and kicked him in the head. The ship shifted out of balance, making both of them fall down the aisles. The ship took a full 360, and dropping them back in their seats. Kagura was about to jump Sougo when Gintoki grabbed a hold of her.

"Calm down the two of you, what's going on?" he looked like he'd just woke up and was totally unmoved by the seriousness of their situation.

"Didn't you hear the captain _danna_? We're out of fuel and about to crash and die," Sougo said casually, like he was discussing the weather with a neighbor.

"I knew Zura wasn't capable of flying this ship. He couldn't even manage to put in the right amount of fuel!"

"Uhm," Kondo appeared beside him, "I think this is our fault" he rubbed his arm and chuckled. It seriously pissed Kagura off. She aimed her umbrella at him, ready to deal the final blow and erase his existence from the universe. Sougo grabbed his reserve bazooka and aimed it at her.

They fired at the same time, making a great explosion.

Everything went dark after that.

* * *

><p>The yato could hear the crackle of her skin as it was slowly turning red in the sunlight. She hurriedly stood up and ran towards the shade beneath the palm trees. She sat down and blew on her hands, another minute and she would have turned into bacon!<p>

Kagura looked around. She had washed up on a beach somewhere. Wreckage from the ship was slowly dancing in the waves. She could see her umbrella lying on a rock further down the sandy shore. _'What luck!" _she thought and sprinted towards it, ignoring the blemished appearing in her skin.

She was nearly there when someone else grabbed it, the worst person possible. She glared into his red emotionless eyes. He threw the umbrella over to her. She gave him a confused look.

"There's no sport in killing you like this." He said and shrugged his shoulders.

She opened the umbrella and covered herself. "Any other survivors?"

He pointed to the forest close to the beach. "These are the ones I found so far."

Kagura's face turned sour. There were three people waiting for them. Two of them were lighting a fire with a glass shard and some paper, the third person was still bound by the life-preserver and rope.

"Ah, China-san. Good to see you're alive!" Kondo waved happily as they walked towards them. She kicked him in the face, knocking him down to the ground.

"Why are you smiling, this entire mess is your fault yes?"

Sougo kicked him in his privates, making absolute sure he'd never get to reproduce.

"Oi Sougo, watch what you're doing to Kondo-san. You kids were the ones that blasted the ship to pieces" The sadist kicked the vice-captain next, making sure he'd never get to have children either.

"Stop this violence, all we need is Peace and Love." They both kicked Hata in his family jewels simultaneously, making the future of the world a better one.

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><p>Hope you like it, I know it took a weird turn away from the original plot. Thoughts? :)<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

**Note**: I'm using the UNO rules that my family and I use when we play. It makes it all the more tense, which UNO in a Gintamafic should be. You all know UNO right?

Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama

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><p><strong>ACT 6 – ROYAL PAINS<strong>

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><p>There she was, living the cliché, stranded on an island with people she didn't get along with. Out of all the passengers, four of the five people she found most annoying were now sitting around a campfire with her. She turned away from the crackling embers and noticed Katsura running towards them. '<em>Make that five out of five' <em>she thought.

Katsura was panting when he reached their camp. Kagura shifted her umbrella a little so she could look at the sun; it was still strong enough to kill her, '_Should I just close my umbrella and get this over with?'_ She remembered her father and sighed, '_No, I can't do that to baldie'_. As she thought this, Katsura sat down in-between Hijikata and Sougo. The latter wanted to kick him out of their group; the former reasoned that they could use him as a human shield if there were any dangers on the island.

Hijikata had finally been untangled, and was now stretching his arms and shoulders to ease off the stiffness in his joints. When he finished, he told everyone to bring out all their useful items so they could see how dire their situation was.

Only Hijikata had something 'edible' with him.

The group didn't want to live of mayonnaise, but they didn't think it was fair that the mayora-freak was the only one that got to eat either. The only reasonable thing to do then was for Sougo empty the bottle in the ocean while Kagura and Katsura held Hijikata down on the ground.

After the deed was done, Sougo returned with the empty bottle and gave it to the vice-captain. He'd made sure to wipe it clean of all mayonnaise with the salty water.

"Now that that's settled, let's see what we have got thus far." Kondo said and folded his arms.

Everyone placed their belongings on the ground.

Sougo had his sleeping mask, katana, a pocket watch that had stopped working and a little ammo for his bazooka but not the actual weapon (unfortunately for him/ fortunately for the others).

Hijikata had also his katana, the empty mayonnaise bottle, a broken lighter and no cigarettes.

Kondo had the jump he'd been reading on the ship, a banana peel, some pictures of Otae and a floor map of her home; his katana was still missing.

Katsura had a pack of UNO cards (he claimed he was very good at the game), a copy of Super Monkey Adventure (with the name Takeshi scribbled on it with permanent marker) and a couple of bombs.

Kagura had only her umbrella, which she for obvious reasons didn't put down with the rest of their belongings.

Prince Hata didn't contribute at all, claiming he didn't have anything of value. Sougo ripped out his antenna. "You've got this right?"

"Ohw, my charm!"

"Ah a charm? Is it lucky?" Kagura exclaimed, "if so, can I have it?" she made Sougo tie the antenna around her wrist. She grinned "Now we'll get rescued for sure!" Hijikata hit both of them in the back of their heads.

"If it was a lucky charm, we'd never be in this mess in the first place." He untied it and gave it back to the prince.

Hata gave it a sullen look, sighed and pulled out some tape from his jacket. Seeing this, the men held him down while Kagura emptied his pockets. "Hey, those are my belongings," they didn't care and placed his roll of tape and chocolate bar in the 'share pile'.

* * *

><p>A roar could be heard from everyone's stomach when they saw the chocolate bar.<p>

Who would get it?

Kagura observed her companions cautiously; she had no intention of letting anyone but her eat it. She tightened the grip on her umbrella, ready to attack whoever went for the chocolate first.

Sougo noticed Kagura's tightened grip. He wanted to grab his katana in the middle of the share pile, but didn't want to seem suspicious. He decided to wait for her to move first; he had to act quickly, but knew he'd be able to stop her before she reached the treat.

Hijikata noticed the way his blonde advisory was studying Kagura, knowing he wanted to take out the most powerful opponent before annihilating the rest of them. The mayo-addict decided to make his move when the two kids were busy fighting each other. He would enjoy the sweet tremendously, not because he liked chocolate, but as a punishment for spilling his mayonnaise in the ocean. '_I'll make them watch'_

Katsura had an ace up his sleeve. He folded his arms and gave a wise smile "why don't we play UNO for it?" Katsura had shifted the battle from being the survival of the fittest to the hand of the luckiest.

Their eyes widened. _'NO WAY!'_ A sudden rush washed over Kagura, Sougo and Hijikata, they weren't the only one competing anymore.

"Great idea Katsura-san," Kondo said and snickered. _'By taking this to the cards, one of us will be able to steal the prize'_

Katsura leaned in to grab the UNO cards when Hijikata stopped him with his foot. "You seem a bit eager there Katsura, why don't you let me deal the deck? It would be unfair if the owner of the game took advantage of the others and dealt himself a winning hand."

'_Damn, he _noticed' Katsura had already shuffled the deck to give him two Wild Draw Four, one Reverse and one Wild. Katsura gave him a fake smile "of course I don't mind, I take pride in UNO sportsmanship." He gave the deck to Hijikata and watched as he shuffled the cards anew.

Sougo grabbed the cards out of Hijikata's hands when he finished. "I don't trust Hijikata to deal fairly," he distributed seven cards to each of them and placed the deck face down in the middle of their circle. He opened his hand, and tried his best to keep it cool. He had a Wild, a blue Draw Two and a green Skip and a lot of reverses. He grinned sadistically as he turned the top card of the deck, revealing a green nine.

Kagura felt the pain as the green Skip card was placed; making the person (her) to Sougo's left lose their turn. Not that she had any playable cards in the first place. She had a red four, a yellow Draw Two and the rest were Reverses. She tried to keep it cool, not revealing her disadvantage.

Kondo had to draw a card, he had a red nine, which was rendered useless by Sougo's Skip. His face gleamed when he drew the Wild Draw Four. He played it without even thinking about tactics, changing the color to red.

Katsura regretfully drew four cards, four green '_useless'_ cards, giving him the largest deck in the circle. He looked over his hand; he had a Wild and a yellow Draw Two. He looked as Hata placed a red zero.

Hijikata was next. He had a red Draw Two and a Wild. He did not want to miss the opportunity of making Sougo draw two cards and skip a turn while doing so. He played the card and grinned. _'I got this'_

Sougo sat for a moment and looked at the Draw Two; he slowly reached for the deck in the middle. Hijikata eagerly waiting for him to draw two cards. Sougo gave him a smug grin as he moved his hand away from the deck and placed a blue Draw Two. Victory was his, he knew he'd be able to call UNO before she'd rid herself of the four cards coming _her_ way.

It worked out even better than he could have imagined. Instead of picking up four cards, Kagura placed a yellow Draw Two, everyone did in fact, and sent it right back to Hijikata, forcing him to draw twelve cards. He was officially out of the race.

The top card now was a red Draw Two, he used his Wild and changed the color to yellow. Kagura placed a yellow reverse, sending it back to him, he placed a new reverse and sent it right back. This continued 'til he placed his final reverse, making his hand free of cards.

Kagura grinned. "You forgot to say UNO."

Sougo couldn't believe it, he'd been so meticulous the entire game, but the heat of the moment had made him forget the most vital rule of them all: to call UNO when he had one card left! He drew his penalty cards; he got a Wild Draw Four. Kagura had called UNO… but he could still win this as long as she didn't have a red card on her hand.

She looked him directly in the eyes as she placed her last card, the red four. "Looks like I win," she said victoriously and reached for the chocolate.

Sougo had no intention of letting her get their only food item. He grabbed his sword and went at her with full speed. She had anticipated him and shielded herself with her umbrella. He took the candy while she was occupied and ran towards the forest.

He didn't get far before Katsura threw one of his bombs at him, making him trip and fall flat on his stomach. The self-proclaimed UNO-God snatched the chocolate out of Sougo's hand and ran deeper into the woods. He took the wrapper off the chocolate when he thought he was safe. Katsura was about to take a greedy bite when a gorilla flung by him on a vine and stole it.

Kondo tried to land gracefully on a branch above Katsura. He missed and fell face down on the forest floor when someone cut down the tree. Hijikata appeared behind him and placed his katana near Kondo's neck. "I don't want to hurt you Kondo-san, just give me that chocolate and I won't have to kill you." The lack of mayonnaise and nicotine was starting to get to Hijikata. Kondo had no choice but comply; he carefully gave his subordinate the chocolate.

Hijikata smirked and looked around to make sure the brats weren't around to tackle him. He removed the rest of the candy wrapper and slid the piece into his mouth. He was too hungry to really enjoy the chocolate, and swallowed it whole. He saw Sougo in the corner of his left eye and dodged the sadist attack by jumping to the side, what he didn't anticipate was Kagura's sneak attack from behind. She batted him down with her umbrella.

* * *

><p>Kagura stood with her foot on top of the man's chest, sticking her weapon in his neck. "You have two options now," she said solemnly. "Either you throw up that piece of chocolate, or I cut it out of your stomach."<p>

"Are you insane? You seriously want to eat something that's already been inside my stomach?" She pressed the tip harder against his throat, making it difficult for him to breathe. She gave him an icy look, sending shivers down his spine

"Does it look like I'm joking?"

"You better do as she says Hijikata-san," Sougo said while stuffing his face with jungle fruit. "She won that chocolate fair and square."

"Hey, you were the one that stole it from her in the first place!" Hijikata yelled. "And where did you get those bananas?"

Sougo pointed above them, the trees were all covered with various fruits, ranging from bananas to oranges. "Looks like we crashed on a fairly habitable place, there's even a small cave by that waterfall over there." he said casually

* * *

><p>Hope you guys like it, thanks so much for following, supporting, writing and sharing! You're also free to suggest story developments here, it's turning out to be a pretty ridiculous story by now, and I think I used up a lot of my brain capacity figuring out that fierce UNO battle. I hope it wasnt too confusing!<p>

And seriously, am I getting Prince Hata right? He's been so little in the manga recently, I've kinda forgotten how he is (other than being obnoxious, self-centered, dumb and an animal fanatic)


	7. Chapter 7

**ExtraCheeseCake**: I was seriously considering if Kagura should eat the chocolate or not, I found it more child friendly if she didn't XD

**Guest** (CH6): I had intended to make Kagura sick on the island and force everyone to nurse her back to health. But I'm saving the umbrella loosing and illnes for a later chapter. They have to focus on the Harusame right now.

**Guest** (CH2): My chapters are 'bout 2000-2500 words long, so I update sporadically (mostly every other they if I feel inspired enough)

Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama

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><p><strong>ACT 7 – Royal Pains<strong>

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><p>Kagura let her umbrella slide off his throat and grabbed the orange Sougo offered her. Hijikata let out a relieved sigh and gave his fellow guardsman a thankful glance.<p>

Sougo gave him a sadistic grin and replaced Kagura's umbrella with his katana. "Now throw up that chocolate."

"Are you serious, what's wrong with you two brats? You've got plenty of food here!"

"It's not fair that you got to eat chocolate while the rest of us have to content ourselves with fruit yes?" The yato said while she stuffed her face with a barely peeled orange.

"Listen to China now, you don't want to offend a lady do you?" Sougo smirked

"You're the one that offended her in the first place; you're the one that stole the chocolate after she won it!"

Kagura took out a handkerchief and blew her nose in it, fake tears rolling down her cheeks. "It was so horrible, I felt so violated. He pressed me against the wall and threatened me with a knife to the throat." She gave him a quick glance, and acted anxious when she met his glaring eyes."He made me choose between my innocence and my chocolate."

"I have no further questions your honor." Sougo said nonchalantly.

"Oi, why did this turn in to a court case?"

Kagura slammed her umbrella in Hijikata's face three times. "Order, I want order in my court. You want the truth? - You can' handle the truth!"

"You're not making any sense! And why are you the judge, weren't you the victim?"

"No you're out-of-order!" Kagura yelled.

Sougo placed a calming hand on her shoulder. "What's the verdict?"

Kagura rubbed her chin. "Hijikata Toshiro, I sentence you to eternity of community service… and you have to throw up the chocolate to appease the victim."

Sougo nodded approvingly. "A fair ruling your honor… but instead of community service, I would suggest seppuku," he grinned, "he did threaten the victim's innocence".

"You're right counselor," Kagura slammed Hijikata and additional three times in the head. "Hijikata Toshiro, I sentence you to give back the chocolate by committing seppuku"

Sougo lifted up Hijikata from the ground and readied him. He tossed Hijikata's sword in front of him. "Whenever you're ready Hijikata-san, I'll cut your head clean off, so don't worry about a thing," he chirped.

Sweat started to appear on Hijikata's forehead. _'They're really serious about this'_ He sighed. "Ok, I'll throw up that damn chocolate, just stop this farce already!"

And so he did…

* * *

><p>After the rather unpleasant court case; Hijikata ordered everyone to get their belongings from the beach and take them back to the cave. He'd noticed they had a clear vision of their previous camp through the trees; which in turn meant that they would be able to spot a rescue vessel (if one arrived).<p>

As an added measure, they wrote SOS in large letters – using stones and parts of the ship – in the sand, and arranged a large bonfire next to it to further signal their presence. They all agreed the fire had to be kept alive during the night, so they would take turns guarding it throughout the hours of darkness.

It was still some time till nightfall, and the group decided to map out the islands surroundings.

Kondo – being the gorilla he was – climbed to the top of a tall tree and noted that the island wasn't particularly big; making it fairly plausible they'll be finish by sundown.

Kagura stayed behind to gather fruit; she could shoot down the fruit with her umbrella, making it fairly easy. Sougo ventured back to the beach to see if he could salvage anything from the wreckage, while the rest of the crew opted to explore the forest.

Sougo was the first one to arrive back.

"Did you find anything useful?" Kagura said while lounging near the fruit she'd gathered.

"I found Kondo's katana." The sword made a clunk as Sougo threw it down on the cave floor, "and a couple of blankets." He sat down and folded a blue one over his lap and gave Kagura a red one.

"Any sign of the others?" The yato draped the blanket around her feet.

He shook his head, "not where we crashed." He noticed Kagura's gloomy expression, "the others might find them… they could have crashed on the other side of the island."

It was Kagura's time to shake her head, "Sadaharu would have been here by now if they did. Maybe they hit the ocean, and a whale ate them." She sat up and looked at the beach trough the trees. "Maybe they're living inside the whale with Captain Ahab and Pinocchio."

"I think you're confusing Captain Ahab with Mister Geppetto," Sougo said lazily.

Kagura paid him no mind and continued, "It must be pretty cramped in there with everyone. I hope they take good care of Sadaharu."

"You don't have to worry about them, _danna _is strong enough to protect them, and Shinpachi is responsible enough to take care of your beast."

She turned to him and met his amber eyes, "you really think so?"

"I know so."

Kagura felt a little calmer and tried to give him a genuine smile, "if you think so, then I'll believe you."

He took his pocket watch out of his pants and looked at it. "It's time for my nap" he said and laid down. He was about to pull his eye mask over his eyes when he spoke again, "you're not so stupid after all China," and got a fist in the stomach.

* * *

><p>Prince Hata was the last person to return. The others hadn't found anything useful, but the prince had dragged a large lobster-like creature with him; claiming it his new ('super-cute') pet. The creature was blue, as tall as a tree and had four pincers. He'd named it Lobsty – which Sougo and Kagura claimed to be a ridiculously bad and unimaginative name – and demanded to keep <em>in<em> the cave with him.

The cave was small to begin with, and there was no way that the entire group could fit, especially not with that creature taking up most of the space. Hata wouldn't yield and commanded them to follow his instructions. He tried to pet the lobster on one of its claws, but this made the animal run rampant. The group – except for Hata – had to forcefully stop the beast before it destroyed their entire campground.

Hata wept while they ate lobster that night.

After the feast, they had to decide the sleeping arrangements. There was enough space for four people to sleep inside the cave. That meant that someone had to sleep outside. Kagura got a place in the cave by default since she could die if she slept outside past dawn. Hata also got a place in the cave since it would be really difficult to explain his disappearance – to the king they so sorely needed help from – if something happened to him.

Another match of UNO settled the issue; Kondo, Katsura and Hijikata got to stay in the cave, while Sougo had to sleep outside. He tried to kill Hijikata on one of his solitary bathroom breaks, but he was fortunately rescued by Kondo . The sadist took both the blankets he'd found and made himself comfortable on the ground right outside the cave.

When that settled, they decided who should take turns on watching the fire. They agreed on three-hour shifts per person, and that Sougo didn't have to do it since had the worst sleeping arrangement of them all. It was therefore Hijikata, Kagura and Kondo (in that order) who would be in charge of the fire the first night, then Katsura, Hata and Sougo the following one.

* * *

><p>Hijikata woke Kagura when his shift ended. She refused at first, but he dragged her out of the cave and down to the beach. He was about to throw her into the ocean waves when she finally gave up and opened her eyes.<p>

She had a hard time keeping herself awake. The first hour went by excruciatingly slow.

Kagura used a stick to draw pictures in the sand to keep awake. The first thing she drew was a castle; it had high walls, a moat and a tower on each side. When she finished the castle, she started to draw a unicorn, it wounded up looking like Sadaharu with a horn in his forehead. She chuckled a little when she noticed the resemblance.

She then proceeded to draw a princess who looked like herself. She was wearing a puffy ball gown and a tiara. She started on the prince. She drew him next to her; he was taller, wore a cape and a proper crown. She had no particular face on the prince when she started out, but he slowly began to look like Sougo.

_'__What the hell is wrong with me?'_ Kagura thought when she finally noticed. She used her foot to wipe out the face - and just in time - before the owner of said face sat down beside her.

He yawned violently into his hand, "it was too cold in the forest," he explained. He looked over at her doodle; he raised a brow. "You bummed about _Danna_?"

"You know I'm not…"

"Then you're dreaming of becoming a princess? I'm sure Prince Baka would take you as a bride, he could keep you in his animal collection." He readied himself for a violent comeback in form of a punch or a kick; but Kagura just sat there in silence.

Sougo huffed "you alright China?" he poked her in the arm.

Kagura got a little startled by his touch, she glanced at him. "No, I never sought it... I was just thinking about Kamui."

"Oh" he looked into the fire, the dancing flames reflected in his eyes. "I'm sure they're able to stop him."

The yato shook her head. "They're not strong enough, especially if we don't stop the Harusame from reaching earth. But for us to do that, we would have to get out of here; wherever here is."

Sougo took out his pocket watch and studied it in the palm of his hand.

"Why do you keep that around, isn't it broken?" Kagura wondered.

He shrugged. "It was a gift from my sister; it was the last thing she gave me before she passed." He met her azure gaze, "It's a fair chance that we're on Royal Planet. I think we were pretty close when Katsura lost control of the vessel."

They both turned away and looked into the crackling fire.

"Let's hope so," she answered.

* * *

><p>When Kagura woke again the following morning, she found herself lying beside the campfire. '<em>Shit! I overslept!'<em> She sat up and looked around. _'Wait, why is the fire still going? And shouldn't the sun have killed me by now?"_ She looked up at the sky; but her eyes met by the purple inside of her umbrella; her feet covered by a red blanket. _'What's going on? Did the sadist do this?'_ She looked around for him, but she was alone on the beach.

She looked out on the ocean, _'Is that?'_ She rubbed her eyes, _'IT IS!'_

Kagura grabbed her umbrella and ran to the others.

"Hey guys! There's a ship coming this way! We're being rescued, wake up!" she shook the four men inside the cave, "wake up! We're being rescued"

"Mom, you're being loud. Just give me five more minutes," one of the men said.

"DO I LOOK LIKE SOMEONES MOM! SERIOUSLY, WAKE UP, WE'RE BEING RESCUED DAMMIT!"

"Listen to your mother now," Sougo walked up beside her. He'd found his bazooka and was now carrying it on his shoulder. "You don't wanna be late for school do you?" he sent them flying out of the cave.

* * *

><p>"Kagura-chan, I was so worried about you. Are you okay? Did the others treat you nicely?" Otae embraced Kagura tightly, almost suffocating her.<p>

"I'm fine Anego, thank's for worrying." Otae loosened her grip when she noticed Kagura's face turning blue. "Are you all okay, is Sadaharu with you?"

Otae nodded, "he's with Prince Hata's parents. We were lucky and crash-landed near the capital with Jii, he sorted everything out."

"That's great Anego!" Kagura buried her face in Otae's chest. "Will they help us defeat the Harusame?"

"They will," Prince Gintoki said, "but I don't think you'll appreciate the terms of the agreement."

* * *

><p>Oh no! What must Kagura do!?<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama

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><p><strong>ACT 8 – Royal Pains<strong>

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><p>There she was again; clad in yet another wedding garment; frowning at her own reflection in the mirror. "I think I liked the wedding dress from my last marriage better."<p>

Otae tried to give her a supportive smile as she draped Kagura in the traditional cloth used on Royal Planet. "It's not that bad; just look how fun and colorful it is."

"I look like someone threw up a bag of skittles on me…" she turned her head to look at her former fiancé. "Why _do I_ have to do it Gin-chan? There are other eligible women here yes?"

The prince shook his head, "I'm sorry. Otae doesn't have high enough social rank and Sacchan is already married to a gorilla." He sighed, "as for Kyuubei… she has intimacy issues with men; she would most likely try to kill Prince Hata if he kisses her during the sermon." He placed his hands behind his head, "you're the only one who can do it I'm afraid."

"But why do we have to rush it? Can't we marry after we've defeated the Harusame?"

"They think we won't uphold our end of the bargain if we postpone the wedding. Not that I blame them, that _was_ what I had intended when we first discussed the match."

"I'm getting pretty tired of these plot devices… it's like I'm some helpless Game of Thrones character that marries a new prince wherever she goes. I'm a strong confident yato; I shouldn't abide to an arranged match at all."

"You're free to do whatever you want Kagura. But you should think of the consequences before you say no to a marriage that simultaneously dooms the earth in the process."

Shinpachi hit the prince in his arm, "_you're being too harsh on her. It's not like she was a part of the negotiation and agreed to do this."_ the squire whispered.

"_It's __**her**__ stupid brother; she's the one that should take responsibility for his actions_."

"_Pretty grand words from someone who's never been responsible a single day in his life..._"

"_Oi!_ _Watch what you're saying Shinpachi-kun! You should remember who's paying for the food on your table._"

"_We both know that big sister is the one who puts food on our table; you've yet to pay me Gin-san!"_

"I think that's it!" Otae said loud enough to muffle the heated conversation between the guys. She tied a bow around the yato's waist. "I don't think it's _that bad_ Kagura-chan"

The bride traced her body from top to toe in the mirror, "yes it is! Just take it off, I don't want to see it until the wedding tomorrow." She covered her eyes with her hands.

"As you wish," Otae started by removing the aforementioned bow. When she finished that, she turned around and glared at the arguing males, "do you guys think this is a peep show? Get out!"

The men stopped their bickering and hurriedly left the two ladies alone before Otae threw them out with her own arms.

"I'm sorry about them; they're usually not like this."

"No, it's okay." Kagura said and wiped away a few tears rolling from her eyes. "Gin-chan's right." She tried to smile, "Kamui is my brother; I _should_ take responsibility for him."

"I think you're too hard on yourself, it's not your fault that your brother is like this. We could still call of the wedding."

"No it's fine, I'm as sure as I'll ever be"

The handmaiden finished removing the garment in silence.

..

..

..

Otae was about to open the door, "are you sure you're fine?"

Kagura forced her frown into a smile, "there's no need to worry about me. I feel perfectly fine; I just need some time alone to clear my thoughts."

"Ok, then I'll wait outside 'til you feel better."

"No really, it's fine. Just go and enjoy the dinner with the others."

"Are you sure?"

Kagura placed her hand on Otae's shoulder. "I'm sure. You deserve some rest."

"Then I'll check on you later."

"You don't have to. Really, I'm feeling fine; I'm just a little tired."

"I'll bring you food."

Kagura raised an eyebrow, "you're not making it yes?"

"No, why?"

"No reason," the yato held back a relieved sigh. "Please bring me food when you get the chance."

"Then I'll stop by your room later; make sure you're back when I get there, you don't want your food to get cold?"

"Thank you," Kagura hugged her.

Otae placed a hand on top of her head and ruffed her red hair, "no need to thank me, we're friends right?"

* * *

><p>Kagura walked out on the fitting room's veranda.<p>

She leaned her arms against the railing and watched as the first stars appeared on the young evening sky. Their glow was faint, competing with the beams of the setting sun in the far distance. She let her head rest on her arms, busying herself with counting stars as they slowly made their way across the sky. She reached a round two-hundred when someone joined her in her solitary reverie.

Okita Sougo used his arms to raise him up so he could sit on the railing. Kagura felt a little uneasy seeing him sit there, one push from her could make him drop fifty feet down (not that she would). There was another sensation in her stomach that she couldn't quite distinguish either, hunger maybe?

"So you're getting married again?" he said in an unaffected voice.

"Seems like," she gave him a meek smile. "What do you think the chances are that Kamui will ruin this wedding as well?"

"Slim to none."

She looked up at the sky again; the red and oranges from the sunset was now a deep blue. She noticed a new star emerging _'two-hundred and one'_. She turned away and met his amber stare "I didn't get the chance to thank you earlier."

Sougo looked a little taken aback by her soft tone, "thank me for what?"

"Keeping the fire going when I fell asleep last night. Gin-chan said they would have never found us if it hadn't been for the smoke."

"Ah that," he gave her a half-assed smirk. "Well, you wouldn't be a blushing bride if it hadn't been for me… you should pay me handsomely for my troubles, now that you're marrying yet another rich prince."

She punched him lightly in the thigh, making sure he wouldn't lose his grip. "Could you stay serious for once?"

"I am serious… I should get compensated for the emotional scaring your drool and snores gave me while I kept watch," he added sarcastically.

Sougo's smug tone started to rile her up. "At least I'll get the power to have you publically executed again! You're so…" she stopped her outburst and counted stars in order to calm down '_Two-hundred and two, two-hundred and three, two-hundred and four, two-hundred and five, two-hundred and s…'_

"Obnoxious?" He finished her sentence and shrugged, "I've always been like this."

"I _was_ going to say 'mean_'_. But obnoxious works yes?" she shook her head. "Why are you here anyway; to ruin my mood yes? You're too late for that I'm afraid, I'm already pissed."

"That's not why I'm here."

"Why then?"

"I don't know… the gorilla lady said you were here alone. Then I just walked here all of a sudden, I'm not sure why." He jumped off the railing. "I'm sorry; I've detained you long enough. I should go."

She grabbed his arm before he could move any further. "You're sorry, that's rare."

He shrugged, "I'm not always the bad guy you know. If I were, I would have been on the other side of this war."

She knew he was right, but an explanation wasn't the reason why she stopped him from leaving. "Before you go... could you do me a favor first?"

"What?"

"Kiss me…" Kagura hid her blush by looking down on her feet.

"What!" He looked like he was about to burst out in laughter, "why? Why me?"

Kagura didn't know why "I don't know... because you're here? Because I don't want my first kiss to be wasted on that idiot prince!"

He raised an eyebrow, "that's a weak excuse... And you've seriously never kissed anyone before?"

She shook her head, "only my family… on the cheek; that doesn't really count." She met his amber gaze. The yato had expected to see his usual deadpan stare, but his eyes were full of an unusual glint; wonderment perhaps? "Why are you looking at me like that? You kissed a lot of people or what?"

"No, but I'm not the one who's getting married for the second time in less than a week either."

_'__Touché_ 'she lessened her grip "Forget it; it was a stupid thing to request from a total sadist like you."

Kagura walked back inside, ready to disregard the whole thing. She was about to open the door and walk to her room when Sougo jerked her arm. He showed her lightly into the wall, placed his hands against both sides of her head, and a knee between her legs so she wouldn't be able to break free.

"I dint say I wouldn't do it," he panted heavily, as if he'd ran a marathon to reach her in time.

"This looks like a scene from a shojo manga yes?" she said lazily.

"You're always so displeased with everything. Or are attempting to aggravate me so much that _I have to_ shut you up by kissing you." He teased

"Perish the thought," she huffed, looking away from his face.

"Okay." He let go of her, "see you tomorrow then. You should practice kissing in your hand so you don't make a fool of yourself when you kiss your husband for the first time."

She gave him a sulky look.

Sougo rolled his eyes "fine" and grabbed her shoulders. He leaned in and planted a firm kiss on her mouth; hoping she wouldn't notice how inexperienced he actually was. He had expected her to jerk away as soon as their lips met, but she seemed into it. Taking this as a signal, he let his hands slowly move up, caressing her cheek along the way before he let them slide behind her head, his fingers slightly tangled in her hair.

Kagura felt a sudden jolt in her stomach when the kiss became less business-like and more passionate. She let her arms make their way around his abdomen, slightly pressing herself against his chest.

The guardsman moved away to get some air; looking deep in though. "The kiss is all fine and dandy, but won't the prince expect more when you're married?" he suddenly contemplated out loud.

She closed her eyes so she wouldn't blush when he met her azure orbs. "No, he assured me that we wouldn't have to consummate our marriage, as long as I was willing to stay here with Sadaharu."

He let his chin rest on top of her head, "what about heirs?" and wrapped his arms around her torso.

"I don't know." She opened her eyes again, "these people are like seahorses or chicken or something… I'm not required to do anything; he'll pop out the kids in form of eggs or whatever the hell they do... their alien anatomy is really weird; I can't grasp their reproduction pattern at all."

"So it's actually not that bad? Man… and here you are, making me feel sorry for you."

She jerked herself out of his embrace, "It's not like I'll ever get to experience any joy or pleasure in our marriage yes!"

Sougo tried to stay composed; ignoring the frantic look in Kagura's features "Couldn't you just divorce him?"

The read-head crossed her arms and gave him a serious look, "not unless I want the Royal Planet to attack earth and wipe away everything we've been fighting for."

He leaned in again, "then I'll give you a little bit of pleasure now." he placed his hand under her chin and raised her mouth towards his.

"Don't flatter yourself" she huffed, without yanking away from his grip.

Her action, or lack thereof, didn't escape Sougo's notice. "Oh, you seemed pretty into me earlier," he grinned.

Sougo kissed her before Kagura could tell him otherwise. Her lips were slightly parted when they met his. The guardsman used this opportunity to slip his tongue through the gap. The girl shuddered a little in his arms when it met her own tongue, but she welcomed it with equal curiosity.

This kiss was more zealous than the first one. Before she knew it, her hands were inside his shirt, and his hands were on her hips. When Kagura realized this, she noticed a tingle she'd never felt before. Determined to not go any further with a '_dirty sadist'_, she pushed him away from her at their next gasp for air. "This is as far as it goes sadist." She panted heavily.

"I said a little bit of pleasure China, GOD! Your mind is so dirty, not befitting a princess at all" Sougo smirked.

A blush started to rosen her cheeks; she cleared her throat "what time is it anyway?" He took out his pocket watch. "Oh spare me; it's always nap-time with you!"

"You're the one that asked me, I'm just doing what the royal highness requested," he teased.

"I didn't ask you to be snarky." She punched him in the gut. "Follow me to my room would you, a pretty princess like me can't go out and about alone." He raised an eyebrow. "There might be predators lurking in the hallways," she deflected, looking slightly annoyed.

"Sure there is," he gave her one last peck on the lips before they left the room together.

Otae was fortunately at Kagura's when they arrived. She gave them a sly smile and the man excused himself.

* * *

><p>Other than the hideous dress Kagura was wearing, the Royal Planet had pretty much the same wedding customs as the ones she was used to from earth.<p>

Katsura volunteered to walk her down the aisle again, but the bride had flatly refused when she remembered the spectacle he put on the last time he did so. She asked Gintoki to do it instead. The crown prince didn't really want to, but she reminded him that he was responsible for her now that he'd arranged the whole thing. He begrudgingly did as she requested, and walked her down to the same boorish wedding march they had played at their own wedding.

When they reached the podium, the earth prince stopped and looked her deep in the eyes. "Everything is going to be fine Kagura-chan."

"If you say so," she said sullenly.

She stepped up beside Prince Hata. Otae acted as her maid of honor and took the wedding bouquet Kagura handed her. She gave quick glance at the audience, not really sure what or whom she was looking for.

"_I don't think he wants to be a part of your wedding Kagura-chan"_

She blushed _"I'm not sure who you're referring to."_

Otae winked.

Kagura rolled her eyes and turned away from her friend. _'Let's just get this over with'_

The priest started the sermon.

..

..

..

"Speak now or forever hold your peace."

Kagura glanced at the audience, '_guess no one will stop the wedding this time'_ she started to feel empty inside, like a black hole sucked away all her organs into a great vortex of nothingness. She glanced at the ceiling, half-hoping that Kamui would appear and ruin everything again.

No one spoke up, her brother didn't appear, and the kool-aid man didn't break in trough the wall. There was no hope, no one but herself wanted to stop this wedding. She started to picture her life with Hata. She hated every segment that popped into her head. Him spending most of their married life with Sadaharu; her patiently keeping herself from punching him or ripping out his charm point when he acted like the insufferable man that he was.

"Please, say your vows." The priest's words jerked her back to reality, she looked at the groom and frowned.

Hata cleared his throat and lifted a paper so he could read her the words he had prepared for her. She barely listened; she could hear the word "Sadaharu" repeatedly. '_Are these vows for me or for Sadaharu?_' She didn't care, she only wanted to punch him with her umbrella when he ended his vows with his catchphrase "I only want Love and peace." too bad her weapon hadn't fit under her dress.

Kagura didn't care at all and had the priest read her the generic vows most people used at their wedding. She repeated them with little affection, and kept a sideways gaze at the church door; hoping one of Hata's monsters would barge in and eat the prince. She had no such luck.

The idiot prince took the wedding ring offered by his retainer Jii, who also acted as his best man. He was about to slide it on Kagura's finger when someone crashed a ship through the church doors.

Kagura's eyes widened, _'Maybe Kamui came here after all!'_ She glanced nervously at her surrogate father who sat on the front row. He had his arms crossed and didn't seem affected by the crash at all, like he'd expected. _'Is this his doing?'_

A man jumped out of the ship, he was tall with a brown natural perm. He sported a dark-red coat and sunglasses. "AHAHAHAHAHA, I'M SORRY I'M LATE KINTOKI" the man proclaimed loudly with glee. "I BROUGHT SOME FRIENDS ALONG, HOPE YOU DON'T MIND"

"Oi, learn my name by now Sakamoto! Dammit, you're so light-headed, it really pisses me off!" Prince Gintoki said and rose from his seat. "Who are these friends you speak off?" he tried to hide a smile.

"AHAHAHAHA, KINTOKI, YOU'RE ALWAYS SO MEAN TO ME. I'VE BROUGHT THE HARUSAME WITH ME OF COURSE!" a loud blast could be heard in the distance.

"Seems like we don't have time to finish this wedding now," he gave Kagura a sly grin. "Oh man, people keep ruining you weddings huh?"

Kagura realized he'd planned this all along. She hid her ecstatic smile by covering her face with her hands. "I'll die an old maid if this goes on much longer," she proclaimed with a fake sob.

"_Then you should hurry up and get rid of the Harusame so you could get married for real_." Someone whispered gently in her ear. She turned around and met a familiar pair of amber eyes. The man offered her a purple umbrella, "you don't want to die an ole maiden do you?"


	9. Chapter 9

I'm sorry for the 'late update', school, writer's block, you know… AND ALL THAT JAZZ (I can't write that phrase without singing the Chicago song in my head!). The next chapter won't take so long, I know how I'm going to continue this, I just had a hard time starting this part of the story.

Without further ado, here's the disclaimer: I do not own Gintama

* * *

><p><strong>ACT 9<strong>

* * *

><p>Kagura accepted the Umbrella Sougo offered her. Her mind was in a stage of ambivalence; she didn't know if she should grin or frown at the situation.<p>

On the one hand, she was glad that the Royal Planet had no other option than to assist them now that the Harusame were a direct threat to their own people. On the other hand, there was certain deviousness in endangering an entire nation just because Prince Gintoki and the rest her friends didn't actually want her to marry the idiot prince.

The yato opted for relieved rather than worried; she knew their strengths combined would be enough to take down the entire pirate fleet without much damage an any casualties. She turned away from Sougo and gave a grateful look to her surrogate father and the savior he had sent for her.

* * *

><p>Sakamoto approached Gintoki with wide, hurried, steps. He shook the man's hand and greeted him loudly.<p>

A brown-haired woman with a straw hat jumped out of the ship. She followed after the captain and knocked him down with the back-end of her gun. "It's this idiot's fault that we're late."

"MUTSU-SAN, YOU'RE ALWAYS SO MEAN TO ME," the man yelled from the floor, rubbing the back of his head.

An annoyed vein popped on Mutsu's forehead. "No wonder, you always wander off without telling your crew where you are and when you'll be back - not that you would ever come back if you got your way. You're so irresponsible and dimwitted!"

"AHAHAHAHAHAA, SORRY ABOUT THAT KINTOKI! LET ME APOLOGIZE ON BEHALF OF MY SUBORDINATE; SHE'S ANGRY BECAUSE I FORGOT THE TIME WHILE I VISITED A NEWLY OPENED HOSTESS CL..."

The woman stepped on his head, rubbing his face down in the stone floor. "You would have still been there if it hadn't been for me… you should just die and let me be in charge of the business!"

"You're as strict as ever Mutsu-san," Prince Gintoki reflected lazily.

"Someone has to if we want to get any business done."

The prince grinned, "and have you done any business worth mentioning?"

She folded her arms and closed her eyes. "You know we always uphold our end of the bargain, we took out a large portion of the Harusame's fleet on our way here." She opened one of her eyes to see his reaction.

Gintoki raies an eyebrow, "how many ships?"

"We might have halved their force; they weren't exactly expecting a sneak attack from a merchant fleet," she said with a slightly proud tone.

"No wonder, they're usually the ones taking out merchants."

She let her foot slide of Sakamoto's head so the man could breathe, "you should show more appreciation you know… we're doing this as a favor for you, remember?"

"Well, your captain wouldn't be free to pursue his desires if he didn't owe me a favor or two." The prince smirked and rubbed his chin, "but that's neither here nor there. How many ships are left?"

"We lost one, so we have five left ourselves." She glanced thoughtfully at her captain, "as for the Harusame… I reckon they have about twenty or so."

"Excellent, you've done your part splendidly as always Mutsu-san." The silver-haired man turned away and faced the ruler of Royal Planet "Oi, King! How quick can you have your ships ready?"

The green-skinned king gave a 'humf' before he answered. "Well, we weren't expecting to go to war anytime soon… so it should take a few hours before we'll be able to attack."

"What do you mean by 'anytime soon?' you're aware that your ships were a part of our agreement right?"

"Well… about that Prince Gintoki." He gave a sly smile, "we never specified _when_ you would get your ships now did we? We just wanted to see our Prince Hata married before we both die."

"You might never experience a marriage if you don't give us the ships now."

"We won't hand anything over until this wedding's finished and legitimized."

"That might take a while," Gintoki pointed at the altar "Because it looks to me that we have a real runaway bride at our hands."

The king's face turned red as he noticed Kagura's absence "WHAT! Where's the bride!" He ran over and shook his son. "Where did she go?"

"I'm not sure papa… I didn't even notice she was gone," Prince Hata answered in an unaffected tone.

Prince Gintoki grinned. "Looks like your son won't miss his bride anytime soon," the king gave the silver-haired man a deadly glare. "How about just giving us the ships your majesty? You can't endanger your people because we had to turn every stone in the kingdom to find the prince's fiancé."

The King were in no position to argue with that logic.

* * *

><p>Kagura ran away from the wedding with Otae, Shinpachi and Sougo. The squire'd been instructed by his master to lead them to one of Sakamoto's ships in the back. There they would meet with General Kondo and the rest of his men and wait for further instructions from the prince.<p>

Their pace was slow because the bride could hardly move in her heavy wedding clothes.

"That's it!" Kagura proclaimed loudly. She stopped and began to forcefully remove the garments.

"What do you think you're doing? " Otae poked both Sougo and Shinpachi in the eyes so they wouldn't be able to see the girl undress. "Think about your dignity Kagura-chan!"

Kagura paid her friend no mind, and continued removing the fabric. To the chambermaid's astonishment, the girl was fully dressed in her regular clothing underneath the wedding dress.

"Don't look so surprised boss lady," Kagura grinned. "The Queen told me that the dress'd been passed down for generations, she said they never washed it in order to bring luck to the future brides." She wrinkled her nose "as if I'd want the taint of every woman in Prince Baka's family to touch my skin."

"Ah, I worried you would roam the castle halls half-naked… I'm sorry for doubting you Kagura-chan."

"No harm done!" the runaway bride assured her.

"NO HARM DONE?" Sougo yelped with his hands covering his eyes.

Shinpachi rubbed away tears of pain, "she's not the one you should apologize to big sister!" The guardsman nodded at the squire's statement.

"Oh, I didn't even think about the two of you. I'm sorry Shin-chan, Okita-kun." She bowed apologetically.

Sougo removed his hand and blinked his eyes to get clearer vision. "It's okay, it's not like we would want to look at China half-naked either." The man winced as Kagura poked him in the eyes.

The yato frowned, "there… Now you won't have to look at me at all."

* * *

><p>Sougo had barely any vision when he finally managed to open his eyes again (one could barely see the difference between his sclera and iris). Kagura had to carry him all the way to the ship as an apology for making him temporarily blind.<p>

"What happened to you Sougo?" Hijikata demanded to know.

Kagura carefully slid the man down from her back and guided him over to Yamazaki. "China wanted to take away one of my senses."

"Hey, I said I was sorry," she pouted.

"A simple 'sorry' won't give me my visions back if I go blind you know."

"Stop being so melodramatic, this isn't a soap opera," the assaulter huffed.

"No, if it were" he paused and formed his words "I would have a twin brother who could transplant me a new set of eyes if I do, in fact, go blind."

Kagura tilted her head and looked out in the air, "but he would be the evil twin yes? So he wouldn't ever give you the eyes."

"If he's the evil twin, I could just kill him off and take them by force. No one would be mad if I killed the bad guy."

"Yeah, you're right. Then you should just kill him and get a new pair of eyes."

"What the hell are you guys talking about?" Hijikata said and lightet a cigarette.

Sougo kicked the man in the face. "I found the evil twin China, gauge his eyes out and redeem yourself."

Kagura rolled up her sleeves.

Shinpachi held her back while Yamazaki and Kondo dragged the wounded guards to the ships infirmary.

..

..

..

Kagura was sitting next to Sougo's hospital bed. "You're lucky that the doctor had a recovering spray for my eyes. If I had gone blind, you would have to act as my faithful servant for eternity."

She punched him hard in the shoulder. "Hey! I really am sorry!"

The guardsman rubbed his sore spot. "I'm not sure how your Yato customs work… but breaking a man's bones seems like weird way of apologizing," he grimaced.

The yato blushed, "I-I'm sorry, I didn't intend to violent."

He waved her off, "don't be. A bride's allowed to act a little crazy on her wedding day right?" He laid his head down on the pillow and studied the white ceiling. "You don't have to keep me company you know," he continued. "I have regained full vision… I just have to wait for the sedative to leave my body so I can move properly again."

"I'll leave if that's what you want."

"I prefer talking over silence," he noted.

Kagura raised her feet and let them rest on the edge of his bedspread. "Even when I'm the one who's talking?"

"Sure, you're easy to make fun of. Time goes by faster if I have someone to laugh at." The yato rolled her eyes and let one of her feet slide down on the floor. Sougo placed a hand on the other before she could remove it. "I'm sorry China, please stay."

She stopped moving "Oh, so you really do want _me_ to keep you company?"

"More than I want Hijikata or Kondo to watch over me while I recover. They worry too much, it's annoying."

"I'll stay if you apologize for that rude remark."

He raised an eyebrow "Which one?"

Kagura crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair, "you know which one."

Sougo let out an annoyed sigh, "fine! I would rather watch you half-naked than Kondo naked_._"

She rolled her eyes. "I guess that's as close as it gets with you."

He nodded.

The runaway bride raised her foot up to the bed again and made herself comfortable in the chair. "Should we maybe talk about yesterday?" she pondered out loud.

The incapacitated man let his eyes flicker between her and the ceiling, before he closed them completely and massaged his temple. "I don't know… should we?"

"You tell me, _sadist_."

He opened his eyes again, his hand still on his temple. "You're the one that wanted to kiss me."

Kagura huffed and made an exasperated expression, "and you're the one that initiated the kiss."

He tilted his head and met her azure gaze, "because you asked me to."

She rolled her eyes and looked away, "but I didn't force you to do it."

"I don't know what you want from me China…"

"The truth about your feelings" she interrupted him.

"Well… I don't know."

"Well, that was truthful of you," she said sarcastically.

"What kind of answer did you expect China? We haven't exactly known each other _that_ long you know. This isn't a fairytale where I rescued you from an evil witch and we live happily ever after"

"Yeah, you're right. If it were a fairytail; you would be more charming."

"And you more ladylike," he added nonchalantly. He glanced at her, "I did feel something yesterday, I'm not sure what though."

"I know what you mean," she smiled meekly.

* * *

><p>Kagura jerked back to reality when someone ruffled the top of her head. "Be still Kamui, I'm trying to sleep."<p>

"Wrong sadist China," a familiar voice said

She blinked her eyes "Where am I?"

"You're still at the infirmary." Sougo said in an annoyed tone, "man you're bad company! You fell asleep like an hour ago," he rolled his eyes. "You could have just left if you were this tired you know."

"I'm sure I just got bored by your monotonous voice." Kagura rubbed her eyes, "and you could have waked me earlier if you were so lonely."

He scowled but didn't get the chance to reply to her quip before Prince Gintoki entered the room and interrupted the start of their verbal argument.

"Yo soichirou-kun, feeling better?"

Sougo sighed, he didn't bother correcting the prince. "I'm fine _danna_, have you assembled the army."

The silver-haired man nodded. "Yes, we're laying the strategy now." He traced his eyes between them, "you guys ready to join the rest of us?"

The guardsman removed his blankets, "sure."

* * *

><p>Hope you like it!<p>

I have two questions:

1. should I continue to write Sakamoto's lines in CAPS? Or should I write it like any other person? I can't really decide

2. did the development between Kagura and Sougo seem right? I've been struggling with that the past week, mainly the reason why it took so long time to upload this chapter.


	10. Chapter 10

**Cm011** thanks for your kind review! I think I'll continue to write Sakamoto's lines in caps, it _does_ add to his character as you pointed out.

So without further ado, here's the disclaimer: I do not own Gintama

* * *

><p><strong>ACT 10<strong>

* * *

><p>The strategy meeting went swiftly. Both the general and the prince agreed to split the earthlings in to two groups, one would start ahead with Sakamoto's Kaientai, while the other stayed behind and waited for the King's fleet to get ready.<p>

Gintoki lead the team who would go with the loudmouthed captain, and thus he had dibs in picking his crew.

The prince snuck the tip of his left pinky up his nose, and weighed his options. Otae wasn't trained for combat, thus he didn't have to account for her safety from the stalker gorilla when he picked his first comrade. He didn't have to rush for Shinpachi on his team either, knowing Kondo would probably go for one of his stronger guards first.

Prince Gintoki opted therefore for _the_ strongest warrior in front of him. "Kagura-chan, would you please accept this rose?" The prince let his finger slip out of his nose and wiped the green bogger on the general's sleeve. He then grabbed a red rose and offered it to the yato.

Kagura grinned and accepted the flower; she smelt its essence and fondly remembered the gardens her mother had kept while she was still alive.

"Oi! Why did this turn into The Bachelor?" Shinpachi demanded to know, obviously hurt that he wasn't his master's first choice.

Hijikata lit a cigarette, "I'm wit the glasses on this one. This seems pretty redundant," the guardsman chimed in.

The general flashed his subordinate a hearty grin. "Don't question our methods Toshi," he said as he closed his eyes and rubbed his chin.

"Hijikata-san is just anxious that you won't choose him for your team," Sougo deadpanned, avoiding several punches thrown his way.

"Oi, of course I'm not afraid of that! Kondo-san will choose me first, wont you Kondo-san?" the guardsman gave his superior an almost begging look, reminicent of a puppy pleading for a treat.

Kondo placed a firm hand on Hijikata's shoulder. "Don't worry Toshi; you'll be on my team for sure!" Kondo assured the raven-haired man. He reached for his first rose and pointed it towards the group. "Would you accept this rose and be on my team, Sougo?"

Hijikata turned red as he gripped the general's collar and dragged his face so close that their nose tips touched. "The hell Kondo-san! Why didn't you give me a rose first?" He let go of the man and coughed into his hand, "not that I care what you do."

Sougo grinned as he accepted the rose, "no one likes a sour sport, Hijikata-san." He waved the red flower in front of the man, teasing him like a matador would tease a bull. "Kondo-san is just doing his job assembling the best team possible." Sougo gave the man an obnoxious wink, "he needs to pick the star players first you know."

Gintoki snapped his finger in a displeased manner; he'd hoped Kondo would in fact choose Hijikata first, and let the prince steal Sougo from him the next round. He met the general's glance. He made a note of Kondo's serious expression, and realized his advisary would want the same team-mates as he himself wanted. A spark of lighting shot between the competing males. The silver-haired man knew he had no other choice. _'Damn it, I'll wait with Shinpachi this round... it's more important to get Kyuubei on my team right away.'_

He offered the rose to the Yagyuu clansman, who promptly agreed and blushed as she walked over to stand next to Kagura on Gintoki's side.

A tear of despair rolled down Shinpachi's face as he felt rejected for the second time, "enough with the rose ceremony already! This is war, not a TV-show about love!" He used the back of his hand to wipe off the wet drop rolling down his cheek, hoping no one noticed his moment of weakness.

The general hadn't really thought of putting the cherry-boy on his team, but when he realized that he'd might get closer to the love of his life if he befriended her brother; there were no other option. "Shinpachi-kun," he said with a smirk "wouldn't you agree that _Love is a Battlefield_?" offered him a rose. "We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong."

Shinpachi didn't even bother to put on his straight-man-pants and yell at Kondo for comparing love and war with lyrics from 'Love is a Battlefield'. He was hurt and upset that his master had rejected him twice by picking Kagura and Kyuubei before him. The bespectacled man ripped therefor the rose out of the general's hand and walked next to Sougo and Kondo.

_'__Damn it! I thought I would have the third round to choose Shinpachi. He's probably pissed at me now' _Gintoki glanced over at his squire; the man was nearly spouting steam out of his nose like an angry bull. _'Yup, totally pissed at me._' He looked over at the remaining teammates. He grimaced when he noticed that his purple-haired stalker tried to act sexy to get him to give her a rose, _'no dice'._

The prince reached for another rose, he decided that Yamazaki was basically the same person as Shinpachi, without glasses complete with a tennis racket. The guard seemed confused when the prince offered him the rose. He accepted nonetheless and had to evade the natto Sacchan furiously tossed his way.

Kondo glared at Gintoki, displeased that he'd taken Yamazaki from him. He glanced at Otae who was chatting with Mutsu on the other side of the conference room they'd held their meeting in; he noticed that the women were both smashing Sakamoto's body down in the ground with their feet. The general shuddered as he saw blood slowly painting the floor red. He shook his head and watched the remaining four crew options: Sacchan, Hijikata, Katsura and Elisabeth.

He rubbed his chin as he contemplated his next action. He knew Prince Gintoki would never choose Hijikata because they despiced each other, so it would be safe for him to pick one of the others this round as well. He glanced over at Otae again, and realized that this was the perfect opportunity to make her jealous. He picked a rose from the tray and loudly asked the 'love-of-his-life' to join him.

Sacchan glared at Gintoki and acted the part of a loving wife. She leapt in to his arms "of course I'll be on your team, my sweaty gorilla-man," and wrapped her entire body around her husband like a koala bear.

"I think you mean sweet, not sweaty. Why would a wife call her husband sweaty?" Kondo muttered under his breath.

"No-one who has ever been near you would deny that you sweat," the wife garbled back. The pair glanced over at their objects of stalking; both seemed indifferent by the pathetic spectacle put on by the Sarutobis'. They sighed and Sacchan jumped off her husband.

Prince Gintoki noticed that Hijikata was tapping his foot in annoyance. He was almost tempted to offer the guard a rose, there were few things the silver-haired man found more enjoyable than pissing off the guardsman. But he knew it would be bad for morale if the two of them were to fight each other instead of the Harusame. He then asked Katsura to join their team, Elizabeth came with as a two for one package deal.

Kondo rubbed the back of his head apologetically. "I'm sorry Toshi, but we're all out of roses I'm afraid."

"The fuck like I care! Just let me in on the team you damn gorilla!"

"Don't feel bad Hijikata-san, someone has to get eliminated each round, how else would Kondo-san find a new second-in-command?" Sougo said comfortingly with a fake smile.

"Shut up you bastard, that's not why we're doing this!"

"I beg to differ," Sougo pulled out his bazooka and aimed it at Hijikata. "You didn't get the rose, you're the weakest link and you've been voted off the island."

Shinpachi nudged the armed man in the side "don't be so mean Okita-kun. You can have my rose Hijikata-san." He offered the red flower to the guardsman.

"No Shinpachi, you'll get tossed of the island if you give him the rose!"

"This isn't a reality show Kagura-chan!"

Kondo placed his arm around the man with the glasses, "I expected no less from my future brother-in-law. You're so kind. Take care of yourself out in the big world, remember that I _chose _you first, not Toshi."

"OI! What are you doing Kondo-san, we can't toss him out."

"You don't get it Toshi, there are no more roses left."

"Why were there roses in the first place! We should fight the Harusame, not play reality TV!"

It took a while, but Hijikata and Shinpachi finally got trough to their leader, neither of them were to leave the party even though they were one rose short.

* * *

><p>The Kaientai was ready to dispatch immediately after the rose ceremony settled.<p>

Otae hugged Kagura tightly as she saw off Prince Gintoki's team with Sadaharu and Kondo's group. She demanded that they return home safely, and she promised to take good care of the yato's massive dog while she was away.

Kagura was the last one to board her ship. Before she went inside, she glanced at Sougo and met his amber gaze. She gave him a quick and impersonal nod, he responded by nodding in the same cold manner; never letting go of her stare.

* * *

><p>Hope you like it!<p>

'til next time.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama

* * *

><p><strong>ACT 11<strong>

* * *

><p>Sakamoto lead the earthlings up to the ship's bridge. He enthused loudly about something Kagura was barely paying any attention to. The words kept spewing out of the man's mouth, but she was too tired and distracted to form the words she heard into coherent and meaningful sentences; not that she thought his stories about girls at hostess clubs would bear any real significance to her anyway.<p>

The yato hadn't though about her father these past eventful days, she felt terrible for neglecting him for such an extended period. Sure, she might have had other things to worry about, like being stranded on an island or marrying a total idiot. Either way; she hoped he was well. And she hoped he and Queen Otose had the Kamui situation under control while they were slowly progressing on their mission: taking care of the Harusame.

An outside voice breached trough her silent contemplation. She glanced at the man who'd distracted the visions of her family feud. "What's that?"

"Are you alright Kagura-chan?" the friendly officer inquired again.

"Yeah, I'm fine Jimi," she lied.

The man flashed her an awkward smile. Yamazaki was used to people forgetting his name; he felt blessed whenever someone actually called him 'Zaki' or 'Yamazaki'. Hell, he would even accepted 'Shinpachi' on occasion, deeming their shared severe plainness as an acceptable excuse for confusing the two of them.

"That's good to hear, you seemed a little… distracted."

Kagura shrugged and rubbed her chin; there was another thought that had popped up in her mind while she'd been distracted. "I was just wondering why Sakamoto would endanger himself like this, what's the story between him and Gin-chan?"

"Ah, you don't know do you?"

The yato shook her head.

"Then allow me to fill you in. Long ago, _danna_, Katsura-san, Sakamoto-san and… another guy," he scratched his head, "I'm sorry, I forgot the last man's name… Anyhow, the four of them defected from the People's Army, during the war between Kabukicho and Shogun Sada Sada. You're familiar with the conflict right?"

Kagura nodded. It was true that she had some knowledge about the war; her father had told her about the valiant hero who cut down the former Shogun. She had also once asked her friend Soyo for details about her uncle; the princess didn't shy away from the truth like the yato had expected, but spoke plainly about the evildoing of her relative.

"I was a toddler back then, but I've been told that he was a cruel man," she replied.

"Mmm, he ruled the country with an iron fist and wanted to expand his influence further. He slowly breached our borders; he stole our land and killed the citizens that refused to swear fealty to him. One of the men who refused to follow him, was a man named Yoshida Shouyou."

Kagura tilted her head and squinted her eyes as she tried to remember something important, "I think I've heard that name before."

Yamazaki nodded, Yoshida was well-known beyond the kingdom of Kabukicho. "He was a formidable swordsman and _danna's_ teacher. Employed by the King, he was in charge of training the People's Army near the Edo border. He wanted to face Shogun Sada Sada head on, but the King asked him to wait 'til the Shogun made his first move."

The red-haired girl snapped her finger as she had her aha-moment, she remembered his name and the story from history class! "And he went directly for Yoshida's training facility after he took the nearby villages, right?"

"Like any good general would," Katsura intervened. "I'll take it from here Shinpachi." He placed a firm hand on Yamazaki's shoulder, "I'm more familiar with the details."

'_Why won't anybody remember my name?'_ Yamazaki groaned as he sullenly slouched down in a nearby chair.

* * *

><p>Katsura coughed in his hand to clear his throat, "now where were we?"<p>

"Shogun Sada Sada led his troops to your training ground."

"Ah, I'll have to backtrack a little to make the story more vivid." He closed his eyes as he formed the right words in his mind. He opened them again and met her azure gaze with his sparkly olive one. "Yoshida-sensei was known as a kind and caring man; traveling the country side in his earlier days - helping orphaned children back to their feet. One of these children was a boy with a silver perm, the red color of blood stained his eyes when he witnessed the entire village he grew up in; perish in a grueling war. The boy roamed deserted battlefields in order to stay alive, all the while trying to fill the hollow abyss the death of his parents had created in his heart. The boy was named 'The White Daemon' by the surviving villagers, " he smiled as he reminisced about the past. "But he was just a lonely boy with a silver soul and a gentle name; the regal name you now know as Gint…"

Prince Gintoki slapped the man in the back of his head. "Oi Zura, are you telling a nonsensical drama again? Just tell the girl what really went down, geez we're fighting a war here you know!"

"It's not Zura… It's Katsura" he retorted while rubbing his sore spot. "I can't help it that I'm a great storyteller, that's my cross to bear."

"No, your cross is that married-women-fetish you have."

"There's nothing weird about wanting an admired woman."

"It _is_ weird if you exclusively go for married women."

Katsura crossed his arms, "I like widows as well…"

Kagura banged their heads together. "Unless Yoshida had a married-woman-fetish that was instrumental to his teachings, there's no relevance in discussing it yes?"

* * *

><p>After the headache settled a little, Gintoki told the rest of the story with ease and nonchalance; much to the frustration of Katsura who meant the key to a successful story should was suspense and drama. The prince on the other hand meant that stories should be straightforward and short.<p>

The silver-haired man recalled that Shogun Sada Sada had led the army himself, and was the one who beheaded Yoshida when he refused to swear fealty to the wicked man. The students had witnessed the beheading with their own eyes. Prince Gintoki had singlehandedly killed the Shogun on his own, while the rest of the men had reduced the shogun's army to rubble and pieces.

The fighting lasted for nearly three days, the only men left standing by the end was Gintoki, Katsura, Sakamoto and a man named Takasugi Shinsuke. They sent word to the King in the capital, and denounced their fealty to the army and the ruler. It was illegal to defect from the People's Army - it was in fact a crime punishable by death. They left none the less, never looking back.

They stayed together for a while, but their goals differed and it became increasingly difficult to make everyone content.

Sakamoto was the first one to leave the group, he wanted to venture out in space and become a respectable merchant (with a lessened focus on the 'respectable' part of course). He soon met Mutsu, and they had been inseparable ever since – excluding the times he wandered off and met girls at hostess clubs.

Gintoki was the next one to leave. Shinsuke, who'd been a good friend of Gintoki and Katsura since childhood, had become increasingly darker as the days passed. The prince opted out when his childhood friend revealed that he wanted revenge on the king for letting Yoshida perish. The silver-haired man had tried to reason with the man, claiming that it wasn't the king who ordered Sada Sada to kill their teacher - making him innocent of the charges laid at his door.

Katsura snorted and added his part in the story. Kagura zoned out when the dark-haired man started his dramatic tale, and didn't tune in for ten minutes. What she did hear was that Katsura had left because Shinsuke's view on justice darkened by each passing day. He was no longer Katsura's friend, but a black-hearted monster who wanted to kill the king. He therefore stole Shinsuke's plans and revealed them to Gintoki, hoping his former comrade would aid him and stop the maniac from killing an innocent man.

The prince had reluctantly followed Katsura to the destination of Shinsuke's ambush. King Tatsugorou and Queen Otose had met with the new Shogun and signed a peace treaty with him. Shinsuke was repulsed by their actions and made it his business to kill them both for signing the treaty. He thought it was too soon to forgive and forget the war.

Gintoki and Katsura arrived just moments after the devious man had cut the king's throat open. The horse-drawn carriage the royal couple had traveled in was smeared with the blood of their guards. Shinsuke was standing behind the queen, his sword at her neck while she watched her husband die in her arms. The two men interrupted him right when he was about to behead the sobbing widow.

Katsura fended off Shinsuke while the silver-haired man tended to Tatsugoro's open wound. He tried to stop the man's bleeding with a strip of cloth that he ripped off his clothes, but his attempt to save the man was futile. The king grabbed his hand and made Gintoki promise to take of his wife.

"And I agreed, that's about it," the prince shrugged nonchalantly.

Kagura listened intently to the story, sucking in the new information. She already knew Prince Gintoki wasn't Queen Otose's natural-born son, but no one had told her why he'd been chosen for the crown. To be quite honest, she didn't actually think the prince deserved the title, seeing how lazy he usually was. Now on the other hand, she saw the gallant hero he could be and deemed him worthy of his position.

"Gintoki, you can't end a story like that. You left out a lot of details!"

"As I said earlier, we don't have time to embellish the story."

"You didn't even tell the girl how you became the prince, and got a royal pardon for Sakamoto and myself. And you didn't even mention how I heroically defeated Shinsuke!"

"Nobody cares about that stuff Zura."

Elisabeth held up a sign that read 'I kinda wanna know'.

Gitoki rolled his eyes "she asked me, and I said yes. And for the record; I woulnd't count Shinsuke fleeing the scene as a herioc act on your side."

"But Ginto..." Katsura was cut short when their ship started to tremble.

"Please ready your weapons." Mutsu called over the speaker system, "we're being boarded by the Harusame."

* * *

><p>Kagura looked displeased as the pirates surrounded them. They had struck down a lot of enemies, but the thugs severely outnumbered them in the end.<p>

She was now facing their notorious leader, a yato named Housen – he was also known as "The King of the Night". She only knew the man by reputation - most accounts were from her father; who'd refused to follow the man's violent ways.

Housen had been the leader before Umibouzu, but Kagura's father opposed his regime and had him denounced by the majority of the clan. A civil war broke loose, and the bald man had won – against all odds – over Housen's guerilla warfare. The Knight King fled and joined the Harusame with his supporters.

Housen was a tall man with broad shoulders; he had long gray hair and wore a simple, purple yukata. He stepped in front of the younger yato. He used his umbrella to tilt her jaw up so he could examine her face. "Well, if it isn't Umibuozu's youngest," he smirked. "How're you doing? Did you miss your uncle Housen?"

Kagura made a gurgle in her throat and spat a combination of saliva and green mucus on his face. She hated the man in front of her. She hated the way he wanted yato's to be; violent with a lust for killing. She hated him for corrupting her brother, showing him the darker side of their heritage. And most of all, she hated him for nearly killing her father.

The elder yato was unfazed by her action and wiped the slime away with his sleeves. He then pressed the tip of his umbrella closer to her neck. "Careful how you act now little miss, I would hate to spill the blood of a fellow clansmen."

She snorted '_that's rich'_.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama.

* * *

><p><strong>ACT 12<strong>

* * *

><p>Kagura glared into Housen's dark black eyes, challenging him. "We'll aren't you kind? Concerning yourself with my wellbeing… you really are a saint, yes?" she said sarcastically.<p>

"I'm only capable of showing kindness to my race," the elder yato replied.

"Tch, ironic isn't it? The man responsible for the mass-genocide of his people – the very act that donned him the famed nickname of 'Night King' – is concerned with my welfare."

A wicked grin formed across Housen's features, "we'll you see little girl; you arrived at the most fashionable time. Our ranks are dwindling, especially thanks to the stunt your friends here pulled." He nodded at the captain of the ship, "we're in dire need of a breeder. A pure-blooded specimen as yourself are rare to come by in outer space, it almost makes the casualties worth it… don't you think?"

Her entire body froze. The only movement she was capable of doing, was turning her mouth into a tense frown. The thought of becoming a breeder for his army was a truly disgusting idea, she would never submit to a life living like that.

"Well, what do you think? Do you want to be of service to your clan?" She was about to speak up, but he covered her mouth with his massive hand. The grin didn't escape his mouth as he paused and looked around the room, "before you answer though; think of the lives of your friends here. We're willing to forget the lost ships if you follow us peacefully."

Kagura's eyes widened, she felt a burning heat swelling in the depths of her azure orbs. As much as she didn't want to follow the malevolent man in front of her, she absolutely didn't want to risk the life of her friends. They were severely outnumbered, and there were no scenario where they would successfully overpower the Harusame yatos in their current state.

There were only two options where they could win against the yatos. The first one was to stall until the Royal Planet fleet - led by Kondo - were able to position themselves and flank the space pirates. The other option was a riskier one; it involved Kagura meeting Housen in one-on-one combat. With the strongest man out-of-the-way, the rest of her crew might be able to handle the remaining yatos; at least until the reinforcements arrived.

The first – much safer – option became impossible when Prince Gintoki unsheathed his sword and directed it at Housen's neck. "That's enough," he proclaimed lazily. "We're not human traffickers, there's no way we'll unhand Kagura-chan".

Katsura followed his example and unsheathed his sword; they all did, in fact.

"No Gin-chan!" She glanced over at the man who'd become her surrogate father during their space travels "Everyone; it's okay. Please don't endanger yourselves." She begged, "I won't allow anyone to sacrifice themselves for me." She met Housen's black eyes, "I'll follow you peacefully."

"Kagura-chan, you don't have to do this!"

"It's fine Gin-chan," she sighed and met his lazy eyes with determination. She hoped her stare would convey her plan of overpowering Housen one-on-one. As an added measure, she used the words he'd used when he gave her away at her wedding, "everythin will be fine." She noticed a small shift in Gintoki's features. _'Good'_ she thought, '_seems like he understands'_.

A couple of pirates handcuffed Kagura's hands. "After you then," Housen gestured to his newest possession. "You have a lot of soldiers to make up for."

* * *

><p>Kagura had expected to live her remaining life as a breeder in one of the ships holding cells, but the guards had put her in a comfortable room with a private bath. She deducted that they probably wanted to inflict Stockholm syndrome on her; it would be easier for them if she didn't resist her captors.<p>

A couple of hours passed in complete solitude. She had placed herself on an uncomfortable wooden chair next to the bed, she didn't want to fall asleep in case someone entered. However, staying awake seemed like an impossible task. There was nothing to do in the room but stare at the clock on the wall and count the ticking seconds with it.

An elderly woman entered the room about 4 o'clock. She had gently knocked before entering the room. It seemed like she didn't have the ability to speak, for she communicated with Kagura by pointing between the fresh set of clothes in her hand and the bathroom. Kagura understood that she had to shower and get dressed. The elderly woman seemed harmless, so she did as she was 'told'.

The shower was quick, and it felt somewhat relaxing. Like all her problems washed away with the water. She became agitated once more when she studied the clothing Housen had sent for her. It was a golden bikini with a purple veil attached to the bottom. Kagura snorted, this was just ridiculous. When she exited the bathroom, the woman draped her in a black coat.

_'__I feel like I'm about to enter a weird sex fantasy…'_

Kagura was guided to a room further down the hall. There she met with a "romantic dinner". A table centered in the middle of the room with a chair on either side. On top of the table stood a bottle of red wine, two wine glasses and a single candle. Her nose picked up the distinct smell of tomato sauce.

Housen greeted her at the door and offered to take her jacked. Kagura curtly refused, and felt relieved when he didn't force it off her. He, instead, acted like a gentleman and pulled out one of the chairs. Kagura seated herself and watched while he sat down on the opposite side.

"Wine?" he offered. Kagura shook her head, but he poured her a glass anyway. "I'm sure you're old enough to have a sip of wine with dinner." She gave him a hard look, but took a small sip of the beverage; she grimaced at the taste. "Don't worry my dear girl, you'll get used to the taste soon enough." Housen clapped his hands; two plates of pasta appeared in front of them. "I hope you like Italian."

The dinner went peacefully. Housed tried to make conversation, but all he got was curt replies and a single nod here and there. He had finished the bottle by himself while Kagura had only taken another sip of her glass when he'd suggested it would go great with the dessert; if it did go great with the dessert, she certainly didn't think so.

Housen rose from his chair to get another bottle of wine from a nearby cabinet. He popped the cork and poured another glass for himself another glass. He picked it up, swiveled the wine and sniffed it before he took a greedy sip, nearly emptying the glass.

"If you don't mind me asking girl, why _did_ your friends attack my ship?"

She gave him a dull look as she delivered her first coherent sentence that evening, "you _know_ why we attacked you. You're working with my brother."

Housen's stern look shifted to one of profound wonder "Working with Kamui, on what?"

Kagura raised an eyebrow, "dethroning Papi?"

The elder yato grinned "and why would I want that?"

"You're kidding right? You've always wanted power."

"What you fail to see is that I _have _power already. I'm the most feared pirate in the entire galaxy, why would I care about our"

"But we got intel tha…"

"You've got some bad intel. Up until this very moment, I didn't know that Umibozu had fallen from power, nor my pupil rising to it."

"I don't believe you. Who would…" She cut herself of, it suddenly dawned on her; her brother had sent them on a wild witch-hunt in outer space! The world crumbled around her. She couldn't believe it; all of this was for nothing! Had she not been in company of a _real_ sadist, she would have cried from the revelation.

Housen walked to her side and placed a hand on her left shoulder. Her entire body tensed by the contact. She was afraid of what would happen next, she did not intend to repopulate Housen's army.

During dinner, she had snuck a butter knife under the table. It wasn't exactly her weapon of choice, but she knew she could do some serious damage to the man if he let his guard down. She knew it was now or never; and slowly reached for the knife between her thighs.

As if he'd read her mind, Housen grabbed her right arm. "Now where's your hand wandering off to?" Kagura was fortunately quicker than Housen, and managed to wrestle her way out his grip, while simultaneously sticking the knife in his eye.

The man screamed in agony, "oh, you've done it now you little shit!" While Housen forcefully removed the knife from his eye socket, Kagura frantically skimmed the room for a more efficient weapon. The general of the Harusame had undoubtedly foreseen her revolt and left his weapon behind. She grabbed the candlestick from the table, the candle was still burning, and her jacket caught fire. She flung the thing off her before she turned into the human torch.

A guard ran into the room, but before he assessed the situation at hand, Kagura bashed his face with the candlestick and grabbed his umbrella. She directed it at Housen and ordered him to stand down. The man did as she said, she stepped over the passed out guard and ran out of the room.

She had no idea as to where she would go, or how she would get of this ship, she only knew she had to get as far away from Housen as humanly possible. He would get a hold of a weapon on his own soon, and she would surely be out of her luck when that happened.

Kagura somehow made it to the main bridge with few encounters, she had shot down three pirates on her way there. She found the control-room deserted, and to her great shock, the ship wasn't in outer space as she'd expected, but grounded in a desert. It looked like an unlivable wasteland, but she knew it would be safer for her to face the blazing sun rather than Housen.

Before she ventured out, she made sure to shoot down the equipment, hoping it would make it impossible to contact assistance from the fleet. She shot through the window glass, and jumped out of the ship.


End file.
